


Deadweight

by empress9



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting, slight gladnis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23187115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/empress9/pseuds/empress9
Summary: Having grown big and muscular suddenly, Gladio is left insecure about his body. He never used to have a problem with food, until lately.. he can't help but feel that it's just making him bigger... not like how he used to be...Basically: Gladio suffers an eating disorder in lieu of his changing body.
Relationships: Clarus Amicitia & Gladiolus Amicitia, Gladiolus Amicitia & Prompto Argentum, Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia
Comments: 16
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another study of Gladiolus... I can't help but make the boy suffer :p... eating disorders in men are often overlooked.. men often have issues on how weight-gain affects their appearance.. I thought of how someone like Gladio might struggle with his body image.. so here's a little story~ enjoy

-

He was in the bathroom again. It was after his shower. Post workout. And he was standing in front of the mirror. Again.

Gladio didn’t know why he kept scrutinizing his body so much. As of late, it had become a nagging habit. He kept telling himself to stop… he was fine.. more than fine… he was in good shape... that’s what people said at least…

And he knew that he was muscular. There was no denying that. But his physique had lately become a kind of hot topic amongst the other young Guards. It made Gladio uncomfortable… knowing there were people talking about his body...

-

_“Damn kid, how tall are you?”_

_“6’6…”_

_“Impressive, and you’re only 19, right?”_

_“Yeah.” Gladio was getting these kind of exchanges more often. He didn’t mind so much. It was harmless banter._

_..._

_“Have you seen Amicitia in the gym? Kid’s huge.”_

_“Yeah he’s a beast. Just grew like crazy all of a sudden.”_

_“Do you think he’s taking something..?”_

_-_

For the most part, Gladio ignored all the attention. But it was true. After his striking growth spurt as a teenager, he found that more people noticed him for his body. He tried to take pride in it… he should right…? He was well-built. And people knew that he was athletic. But the attention was getting… out of hand.

And here he was, lingering in the bathroom again. He stared at his bare chest, ran a hand up his abdomen. It felt… _bulky_. When had this even happened? He didn’t notice gaining weight… it just...was there. And he wasn’t always this huge…no.. he used to be thin… toned, but slender… now his body was… different.. all this _weight_ …

His waist was wider than it ever had been… _gods_ …. He slid his fingers over skin, over muscle and fat beneath… 

With a sigh, he raked his hand through his hair.

_What was he even doing?_

His body was for strength, not for looks… right?

He shouldn’t even care that he was bulking up so much… it just meant he was getting stronger…

_Right?_

A knock at the door startled him.

“Gladdy! I need to pee! Why’re you taking so loooong?”

“Sorry, Iri… lemme just get changed real quick.” Iris made a booing sound outside the door.

He quickly threw on his boxers and sweatpants… paused just briefly again at his bare chest, but shrugged a t-shirt over it.

Opening the door, his little sister barreled into him.

“Aggh you’re like a brick wall! Lemme through!”

Gladio picked Iris up like she was nothing. He teased “Slow down kiddo! You’re giving me whiplash!”

“Nooo no no! Lemme down Gladdy! Nooo! Gotta peeee! Don’t make me pee on you, you monster!”

“Aisssh kid!” with that he deposited her next to the toilet. Iris made a shooing motion with her hands and stuck her tongue out.

“My brother is an _animal!_ Gah!”

He shut the door and left her to her business. Gladio still enjoyed teasing his little sister, despite the fact that she was _almost_ _eleven!_ as she kept reminding him. Besides, he could still pick her up and twirl her around like when she was really small. Maybe he was getting stronger after all…

Still… Iris was thin… skinny… like _he_ used to be… now he was.. what?... an animal..?

He shrugged off the thought.

-

The first time he threw up his food, he swore it was just an accident. Just a one-time thing…

They were all hanging out at Noct’s apartment. Him, Iggy, Prompto.

Ignis decided to have the group taste test a new recipe he was trying out. Galahdian chili. It was slow cooking for hours, and if the smell was anything to go by, it would taste amazing. The two youngest hovered over the advisor’s shoulder the whole time, like insects.

“Is it ready yeeeeet, Iggy?” Prompto looked like he was about to just lick the spoon Ignis was stirring with.

“Just a bit longer. I need to add the beans and then simmer for just a touch longer-“

“Iggy just let us eat now!” Noct sounded desperate.

Gladio chuckled watching the two pester Ignis. But he had to admit, he was damn hungry…

When they were finally allowed to eat, Gladio was glad to find it was just as good as he anticipated. Maybe more so.

“Oh mah gohs Iggy thi’ i’ so gooh!” Prompto, practically slurping up the chili, could barely form words.

“Damn specs!” Noct had sauce all over his mouth. "This was definitely worth the wait!"

And Gladio… Gladio just couldn’t stop eating. He was shoving down mouthful after mouthful. The rich flavors made each bite so good. He didn’t even hesitate to refill another bowl. Then another.

“Hey slow down Gladio!” Prompto nudged the older boy “Save some for the rest of us skinny boys!”

Gladio paused, mid-spoonful.

“Yeah man, now I know how you got so huge! Has Iggy been making you secret recipes without us?!” Noctis playfully mocked his Shield.

And Gladio kicked him from under the table. “You just can’t handle it like a real man can!” Then he laughed. But he put his bowl down.

“Iggy you gotta make this again!”

“Definitely bro! I’m sooo full!”

The two youngest went back to playing games on the couch, and Gladio went to help Ignis clean up. He carried his half-eaten third bowl… he found that he couldn’t even look at it… he felt… _guilty_ … there was a knot in his stomach. Maybe he did have too much…

The advisor looked pleased that his friends enjoyed the cooking. Gladio assisted him in washing down the pots and Ignis scooped the remainders into a tupperware.

“You should take some leftovers, Gladio. I don’t think I can eat the remainder of this myself.”

“Nah, I really shouldn’t, Iggs,” Gladio shrugged.

“Are you sure, you seemed to enjoy it. Maybe too much.” Ignis winked. He was being playful, Gladio knew. But the knot in his stomach twisted.

He looked at the leftovers Ignis was preparing. The thought of how he devoured the food without thinking.. oh gods..

All of a sudden, the mass of what he’d just eaten seemed to overload Gladio. He placed a hand on his belly. Gods. Why did he eat so much? He couldn’t stop himself.. Why couldn’t he stop eating…?

_Now I know how you got so huge!_

His stomach revolted.

Before he could say a word to Ignis, he dashed to the bathroom. His clammy visage greeted him in the mirror. He looked like a wreck. He shuddered against the sink, bracing his hands on the edges. He felt ill, the food in his stomach a sick burden.

He had to get it out…

Trembling, Gladio shoved his fingers down his throat and vomited in the toilet. He felt... fucking awful. Like the purge of his meal was mocking him. Showing him how much he consumed.

He spat to clean his mouth, then heaved again. And again.

A knock on the door.

“Gladio are you alright?” Ignis, always attentive.

Embarrassed, Gladio couldn’t mask the sounds of his retching. He coughed into the toilet again. “S’nothin Iggy. Think ‘m sick or somethin..”

“Do you need any assistance? I could get you something to ease your stomach…" A pause "...was it the cooking?”

Gladio rinsed his mouth in the sink and flushed his shame away. Shocked at how weak he know was, he cracked the door open.

“Sorry Iggy. It wasn’t the food, I don’t think. I haven’t been feeling that well lately. Must be a virus or something. Just came over me.”

“As long as my cooking didn’t poison you.” Ignis smiled. “Perhaps I can drive you home. You ought to get some rest if you’re feeling ill...”

“Yeah, thanks” Gladio smiled back at him. But inside… inside he was panicking. He made himself sick. He knew it. The food didn’t bother him. He just ate too much.. too fucking much. It’s what he deserved for eating like a pig… he just couldn’t help himself could he…

He wouldn’t let it happen again…

-

But it did.

It was Iris’s birthday and she insisted on having a big breakfast with her brother and father. Gladio spent most of the morning mixing pancakes and trying not to let Iris decorate the whole kitchen with flour. It was quite a feast; his father brought in a big bag of donuts and pastries; Gladio fried up some bacon and eggs, and sausage...

Iris had a big smile on her face, underneath all the flour.

And Gladio was happy. Happy to be sharing this time with his family. Lately, they hadn’t been able to have these nice family moments, what with his father so busy with his duties, and Gladio with his own.

He didn’t hesitate to stuff his face with pancakes, sweets…it was all so good. 

He couldn’t help it. It was Iris’s birthday. They were celebrating.

It was only fair… right?

Distantly he realized his father was appraising him over his cup of coffee. Gladio was suddenly very self-conscious. _Godsdammit_ , why couldn’t he control himself…

His father scooped up Iris and deposited her on his lap. “Look at my girl! All grown up! And growing strong, no doubt, like her big brother. I remember when I could still do this with you, Gladiolus…” He bounced his daughter on his knee.

“No way Gladdy was ever this light! He’s always been waaaay bigger than me!”

“Yeah, well maybe if you keep snorting down all those pancakes, you’ll get to be my size, maybe bigger, little moogle,” Gladio tickled Iris teasingly. She shrieked and giggled. Their father looked amused. But Gladio.. he couldn’t let on how he felt… like he was suffocating. He had to laugh it off.

Did Iris think he was too big… did his father…?

Gods… he’d eaten too much again… he was just gonna keep gaining weight if he kept it up.. oh gods…

Later, after the plates had been cleared and his father went back to work, Gladio snuck upstairs, to the bathroom… he locked the door, panting against it… he felt ashamed… oh gods…

He forced himself to be sick. Expelled the food he just gorged on.

He ate too much.

That’s what he told himself…

He just ate too much… it was making him sick…

He just had to eat less… then he wouldn’t feel this way…

Then he wouldn’t… he wouldn’t pull up his shirt every time he looked in the mirror…

He wouldn’t notice how his stomach _bulged_ … how he used to be able to feel his ribs, his muscles.. now it was all just… lumpy… fat… huge…

He would just eat less.

He would be ok then….

-

Only he wasn’t.

-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gladio has a hard time admitting he has a problem. Ignis only wants to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chap this time! enjoy~

-

Gladio was training late again. He started doing these extra sessions whenever he had free time. It was two weeks since he’d started his new ‘diet’.

And he felt good.

The time in the gym was paying off. He’d noticed his muscles toning under his skin. His arms were leaner. More trim. And his waist… his waist felt like it was shrinking. He had been pushing himself with the workouts and was glad to see the results it bore.

Only he wasn’t eating.

Well.. he wasn’t eating enough…

Deep down he knew.

He couldn’t just survive off the small food he had in the morning and evening…

But his body was changing!

And he’d stopped throwing up his meals… if he only ate when necessary… it could do no harm..

He just wanted to slim down a bit anyway…

Back to how he was before… all he had to do was shed a few more pounds.. then he’d be alright…

Only at night… the pain would wake him from a sound sleep… deep aching in his stomach…

It was only because it was shrinking.. the pain meant that his diet was working…

That’s what he told himself when the cramps overcame him..

It just meant that it was working..

He’d be fine…

-

The first time he experienced the dizziness, it caught him off guard.

He didn’t want to think about it.. couldn’t blame it on the fasting…

That morning he’d only had a small protein bar. He was cutting back more and more on unnecessary carbs.. things that did nothing to help his body slim down. He justified it to himself. The protein would help his muscles grow, right?

He was training Noct. It was one of their weekly sessions, where Gladio drilled the Prince on how to handle combat more effectively.

And while he normally had no trouble showing Noctis who was boss… today… the kid had the upper hand.

That was rare.

Forget rare.. this _never_ happened.

Ignis, who was there to supervise, had looked up from his desk a few times.

Gladio stumbled from one of Noct’s blows. _Godsdammit_.. what was wrong with him.. why was he so slow today..?

“Hah! You forget to drink your milk today, G? That’s the third time I’ve tripped you up, and I know I’m not that good.” Noct was teasing. Despite Gladio’s poor performance, at least the Prince was enjoying himself. 

“Easy there, Princess,” Gladio shook off his apprehension “You asking me to go all out?”

“Not sure if you can, old man!”

“Psshhh. You wish, kid. Let’s run through this technique one more time”

Gladio got into position. They were practicing hand-to-hand, no weapons. Noct managed to get a few hits past his defenses, and Gladio couldn’t… focus. He couldn’t shake his headache.. one he’d had for a few days now.. It was like his brain couldn’t keep up with what his body wanted to do… godsdamn distracting…

Noct was testing his defense again. Gladio blocked, side-stepped an easy maneuver.. two steps back, but then Noct was at his side… he turned his head to recalculate.. and-

 _Gods_ …

His head _swam_.

He couldn’t see…

Distantly he heard a concerned voice…

He couldn’t tell what was happening…

Then he realized he was on his knees… on the mat..

…

When he could focus again, it was Noct’s face that blurred into his vision. The Prince was hovering over him, a hand on his shoulder to steady his body.

“Hey, Gladio? You alright, man?”

“Yeah… Noct..” Gladio was still fuzzy.

“Hey, Specs! Something’s wrong with Gladio.” Noct’s shout startled him.

Quick as lightning, the advisor was at Gladio’s side.

“What happened?”

“He just kinda wobbled and fell down… I don’t know.. he’s been off all day..”

“I’m alright, Iggy.. just a little dizzy’s all..” he hated how his voice slurred.

“Gladio have you eaten today?” Iggy, perceptive as always.

“Yeah.. yeah.. I had something in the morning.. I’m fine really..” Gladio was starting to gain clarity. He shook his head.

“Here. Drink some of this. It should help.” Ignis handed him power drink “You might need some electrolytes… I recommend stopping by the health center, just to see if-“

“Hell no! I’m fine really, Iggs,” Gladio took a sip of the drink, then attempted to stand. He was barely dizzy now. Just embarrassed. “Just need a break maybe..”

“Allow me to take you to Noct’s apartment. It’s safe to say this training session is over. I can prepare a lunch for you two.”

“Are you sure? I really think I’m ok to continue-”

“Nonsense, Gladio. I think you could do with some rest. You’ve been looking a bit frail lately..”

Now Glado was self-conscious…

Standing, he steadied himself on Ignis’s shoulder. He really did appreciate how much the advisor was always looking out for him. Only.. he wished he hadn’t seen him like this.. so weak.. fragile…

He was really starting to.. he didn’t know.. _like_ Ignis… he didn’t want him to think he was… weak… slow… huge…

So Gladio told himself it was the overtraining that made him light-headed.. maybe he was pushing too hard…

He didn’t want to think of the other thing..

Or the way his stomach clenched when Ignis mentioned lunch…

_No._

He was just getting used to his body changing..

He was fine.

At least he would be… once his body adjusted…

-

He looked at himself in the mirror that night. He was still slightly weary from before. He’d been so… drained lately. But that didn’t matter.

He was tracing the panes of his stomach with his fingers…

He had eaten lunch with Iggy and Noct… a big spread that Ignis prepared.

He shouldn’t feel guilty.

It was relatively healthy too.

But..

He’d eaten too much again…

He pinched the skin over his belly between his fingers..

No…

He wouldn’t do it…

It was one simple meal… it didn’t mean much… he would just eat less tomorrow.. yeah eat less…

He ignored that he was dizzy…

Maybe it was from the food..

Yeah, the food…. It made him sick…

He would cut back tomorrow… he’d be alright..

Then his body wouldn’t bulge so much… yeah.. if he ate even less it would go away.. right?

He didn’t eat the next day…

Or the next..

The hunger pain was a sign that it was working…

That’s what he told himself.

-

Prompto lazily shrugged off his jacket onto Noct’s side table. He whistled tunelessly.

It was after school, but the Prince wasn’t there yet. Some meeting or something. But Prompto had a spare key. It was becoming a routine. The teen would come to Noct's, do his homework, play some games. Most of the time the Prince was there with him, but sometimes it was just him, but that was ok. He liked the private little sanctuary that the apartment had become for him. It was like an escape. Peaceful.

Which was why he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized he wasn’t alone this time.

“Yaaiiihk!” not his best moment.

Gladio was sitting in Noct’s armchair. It looked like he was asleep. But Prompto’s yelp seemed to stir him.

“Hey, sorry dude.. didn’t know anyone was here.” Prompto blushed. He ought to start checking the apartment before he made himself at home.

Gladio rubbed his hand over his eyes. He looked exhausted. “Don’t worry, Prom. I was only half asleep anyway.” He bent down to retrieve something from the floor. A book. “Must’ve dozed off without realizing it... sheesh.”

“You alright, buddy? Lookin’ a bit… worn out.” Prompto was worried for his friend. Now that he thought about it, the Shield had been kinda distant lately. And pale.

Not to mention that Noct had told him how the older boy nearly fainted during training.

“Yeah.. ‘m just tired I guess… Haven’t been sleeping that well…”

“Well me and Noct are gonna have a sleepover tonight. You wanna join? Maybe we can help you catch your z’s somehow..”

“Yeah, sure…been missing you guys lately.”

“I know! We can have Iggy whip up somma that magic sleep-tea he’s always raving about!” Prompto really did want to help.

“Yeah maybe.”

The Shield got up and stretched a bit.

Was it just Prompto’s imagination… or had he lost weight..?

Gladio was a big guy. No denying that. In fact, Prompto always felt a little jealous of the Shield’s ability to remain so fit. So strong. Prompto was scrawny. Gladio was….a real tough guy.

But the way he was carrying himself now… he definitely looked slimmer.

And there were dark shadows under his eyes…

“Hey, are you sure you’ve been feelin’ alright, dude? You’re looking a little.. thinner…or something..”

Gladio met his eyes. He looked startled.

“I’m good, Prom. Really. Been trying a new diet is all..” He seemed embarrassed.

"You, on a diet?" Prompto was surprised.

"Yeah... just figured I need to eat a bit healthier maybe.. cut back on a few things.." Gladio drew a hand up his short hair.

“You gotta be careful dieting, dude. Trust me, I know. Just make sure you’re eating enough, alright. Can’t have our mighty Shield withering away on us!”

“Yeah, yeah. I think I just need to change my workout routine a bit… maybe some less time with weights, more time running.. I don’t know..”

“Hey! You can come running with me!” Prompto perked up.

“What.. you go running?”

“Yeah. Every morning. I have a route and everything. We could be running buddies!”

“Yeah.. that’d be… that’d be really cool, Prom.” For the first time that day, Gladio almost looked back to normal. He placed a hand on Prompto’s shoulder.

Prompto gave a thumbs up. “Awesome! We can start tomorrow! First thing, right before school.”

“Yeah. Cool.”

The teen was glad the Shield was on board. He’d been worried seeing his sudden weight loss… and tiredness. Maybe all he needed was some company…

-

That night at Noct’s, Ignis prepared them all dinner again.

Gladio was already feeling insecure. His talk with Prompto alerted him to the fact that his friends all thought he looked.. weak...

But Prompto noticed that he was thinner…

His diet was really paying off then.

And now he could go running every morning with the kid… he knew he could tone down even more by running...

He just had to avoid eating the dinner somehow.

But Ignis kept staring at him. Like he knew there was something wrong with him.

“You planning on eating anytime soon, G? Pretty soon there’ll be nothing left.” Noctis and Prompto had already swarmed the dinner table.

“I’m not really that hungry.. I had a big lunch…”

The look that Ignis gave proved he wasn’t fooling anyone. Best get this over with then..

Gladio grabbed a chair and prepared a plate. Lasagna. It wasn’t so bad right? If he just had a small portion…

“Dude, you gotta have some of this garlic bread too. It’s seriously addicting!” Prompto, without caution, shoved the bread onto Gladio’s plate.

He stared down at his meal.

Oh gods..

It couldn’t hurt to eat… just a little…

The twist in his stomach told him otherwise.

Maybe he could just pretend to eat it.. somehow… _gods_.. that was stupid…

He took a bite.. and another..

Ignis looked pleased. Gladio didn’t know why the advisor cared so much if he ate.

He pushed back the guilt that was chewing his gut… he just had to eat enough to appease the others.. they didn’t know how much he needed to eat anyway..

“Gladio’s gonna come running with me tomorrow. Maybe you should come toooo, Noct!” Prompto was nudging the Prince.

“Hell no, Prompto! I’m not getting up at the ass-crack of dawn just to run.. _on purpose_.”

“Awww it’ll be fun though!”

“Why is Gladio running with you anyway? Don’t you work out too much as it is?” Noct scrutinized his Shield.

“Some of us like pushing ourselves beyond the bare minimum, brat” Gladio reached out and ruffled the Prince’s hair. He was glad for the distraction.

“Have you still been suffering those dizzy spells, Gladio?” Dammit Iggy. Always attentive. “Perhaps you have been overdoing it.”

“I’m good, Iggs. I was telling Prompto that I haven’t been sleeping that well... was thinking maybe you can make some of that tea or something..” He felt the need to change the subject.

“If you’re experiencing dizziness and sleep loss, perhaps you ought to seek out a physician’s advice. I’ve been noticing your lack of appetite as well-“

“Astrals! I’m fine, Iggy. See?” With that Gladio started shoveling down the food. If he did it quick enough.. gods… he didn’t want to think about it.

“If you say so…” Ignis was skeptical.

Gladio finished his plate. He wouldn’t have more than that. And later.. he wouldn’t hate himself for it… he wouldn’t feel guilty…

But he already did.

-

He was lying on Noct’s pullout bed, next to Ignis. The heaviness of the dinner still weighing on him. It was just one meal… he shouldn’t feel this bad over something so small….

And besides. He was going running tomorrow..

That would burn it right off…

He felt so heavy though…

_Godsdammit._

Why did he eat all that…?

“You feel like you can talk to me… right, Gladio…?” Ignis, at his side. They were curled up close together. The bed was small.

“Course, Iggy. Is something bothering you?” Gladio held his gaze.

“It’s not… pertaining to me… but _you_. Why haven’t you told me about your… difficulties? The dizziness, the insomnia?” the other boy looked anxious.

“Iggy.. that’s…” _Gods_. Gladio didn’t know what to say. “I’m fine, Iggs… I’ve just been dealing with some stuff..”

“You can talk to me, Gladio. I care about you, you know..” Ignis was distractedly fingering Gladio’s t-shirt. They had grown comfortable around each other lately. Only Gladio… Gladio didn’t want to talk about what he was dealing with.

“Gods. Iggy. I know. I guess I’ve just been feeling… confused.. I don’t know..” He really didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Were you planning on telling me about your eating problems?”

Gladio’s heart stopped.

“What?... I-I.. I don’t know what y-you’re talking about-“

“Gladio you’ve lost a lot of weight. It’s evident. You haven’t been eating much, and I’m concerned. It’s not healthy and you know it.”

“Iggy.. I.. I’m fine.. maybe I’ve shed a few pounds.. but.. I don’t know.” He was fumbling.

Gladio tried to hide his face with his hands. Gently, Ignis placed his on top. They were so close now.

“Gladiolus. It’s alright. I just want to know what’s been going on.” He looked up and saw the other boy smiling sadly at him. “I can help you get back on track if you like. You can trust me.”

Gladio didn’t know what to say. He still couldn’t admit that he had a problem. “Iggy.. I… I just haven’t been feeling that great. It’s stupid. I’ll have my appetite back in no time. I swear. You don’t need to worry about me so much.” He held Ignis’s hand in his own. It was.. small.. delicate.. like Ignis himself.

“Just know that I’m here for you.” Ignis yawned, and laid his head down on the pillow, practically whispering. “Whenever you feel like talking…. I’m here….”

Gladio let him drift off to sleep.

He felt safe with Ignis. But.. deep down… he felt ashamed.

Ashamed that Ignis noticed his terrible habit..

Ashamed that he needed to stop eating in the first place…

If he wasn’t so big… so weak… he wouldn’t need to do it…

And Ignis… Ignis was _perfect_ …

Slender.. elegant..

He wouldn’t like Gladio if he was…. If he was huge… ugly… not good enough…

Gods…

Would he ever be good enough?

The cramps that gnawed at his belly kept him from escaping into sleep.

The tea didn't help...

-


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gladio still struggles with his body image. Prompto is left dealing with the dangerous repercussions of his unhealthy habits...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking this would only be three chapters.. but it definitely deserves more. So here's a short one now. More drama to follow~

-

Gladio hated how everything was revolving around his appearance. How did he let himself get so obsessed? Lately it was becoming a numbers game. He weighed himself constantly on the scale in the bathroom upstairs. He told himself it didn’t matter that much. But every time he saw the numbers go up, he hated himself. He started punishing himself by not eating for a day or two. The numbers going down meant that his belly was going down.. it was definitely smaller… but still… why was he so godsdamn _big_..?

He ran his hands up and down his thighs… gods… they were so thick….

Maybe the running with Prompto was just making it worse… he didn’t know… he enjoyed running with the kid… but hell… why were his legs so fucking huge…..?

He sat down in the shower that night… just curled his arms around himself… he couldn’t hold all of it.. he was so big… he was shaking under the water….

What was he supposed to do?

Why… why was he feeling like this..?

He used to take pride in his body.. now….

Everything felt like some competition. Eat this and see what happens. Eat nothing… it goes down… but the pain… his stomach… gods… he was _hungry_ …

But he hated food.

Hated how it made him so godsdamn guilt-ridden…

Hated looking in the mirror… his face was gaunt… bags constantly shadowing his eyes… he was so fucking ugly… _gods_ …

And he couldn’t focus… daily tasks now became a strain… he could barely train anymore.

But he had to…

Had to keep his muscles tight… slender… fit…

Maybe then he’d feel better about himself.

Yeah… he would feel good when his body was how he wanted it…

Only…

He didn’t know how to tell he’d reached that point.

He didn’t know when to stop…..

-

Iris was asleep in his lap. They were watching a movie. Waiting for dad.

Gladio’s stomach was growling. He hadn’t eaten since the morning.. a protein bar again. He watched his sister devour dinner alone… told her he’d eaten before he came in.

Then Iris had ice-cream. She looked so happy licking it off the spoon. So care-free.

Gladio felt sick.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten something… something that he’d actually enjoyed. The two siblings used to share the ice-cream together. A little treat every now and then.

Now… it was Iris enjoying her treat.. and Gladio… Gladio was nauseous thinking about it. 

But… _gods_.. he was jealous… why couldn’t he let himself eat something.. he used to enjoy it.. right?.. why was everything a godsdamn problem for him?

He was losing it…

Gladio held his sister close. Iris was lucky… she didn’t have all these bad thoughts corrupting her sweet little brain….

Maybe he did have a problem…

He ought to reach out to Iggy… maybe..

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of his father. Clarus entered the room quietly. He smiled at his sleeping daughter.

“I thought you’d both be sleeping. I suppose the little one should head to bed… sorry I’m late. Want to take her up?”

“Yeah dad. I got her.” Gladio bent to grab his sister in his arms. The father and son walked up the stairs together.

“You’ve been taking good care of Iris, you know? I’ve been awfully busy lately. I shouldn’t expect you to step in my place..”

“It’s fine dad. No sweat.” Gladio was noticing that his arms felt shaky. Like carrying his little sister was… strenuous..

Maybe he would talk to Ignis soon… 

“You seem tired, son. I feel like I’ve been pushing too much responsibility on you… I don’t want you getting overworked, what with training-“

“I’m alright dad… really…” It was his go-to response lately…

They reached Iris’s room and Gladio placed her gently down on the pink sheets. He tucked the comforter around her. She looked so content… Leaving the room, he dragged a hand across his face. Gods.. he was tired. 

“Look at you, my boy” his father was waiting in the hall “All grown up I’d say. Taller than your old man too. I’m proud of you son, you know that?” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Get some rest, Gladio… you look like you need it.”

“Yeah.. dad. G’night…” Gladio went into his own room, and shut the door.

He sat down on the mattress… placed a hand on his belly… the pain… it was sharp tonight… the thought of the ice-cream.. of Iris, happy… his father… proud of him….

He felt tears sting his eyes.

_Gods…_

He was stupid…

And useless…

He wasn’t good enough… not yet…

He just had to… overcome this… then he’d be better… than his father could really be proud… yeah…

The pain gnawed at him all night…..

-

Prompto was tying his shoe-lace when the doorbell rang.

“One sec… aishhhh” he tripped over his foot and opened the door “Lemme just finish this thing up.. sorry.. be out in a minute..”

Gladio was waiting on the porch. He was wearing a black t-shirt and shorts. He smiled at Prompto, but.. damn.. he looked weary.

The two boys had been enjoying their morning runs together. Prompto was all too pleased to have some company for his workouts, and Gladio was so cool. Prompto always thought that the Shield was like… his idol.. or something.. like a god of fitness. The training tips the older boy had given him were really helpful. And he felt like he was getting to know him better, too. Gladio was really funny.. and smart! He really started looking up to the older boy. 

Only… these past few days… Gladio was… kinda off…

The thought had been nagging Prompto. Ever since he’d walked in on the older boy sleeping, at Noct’s apartment. He thought that he’d just shake off whatever illness was bothering him.. but.. he still looked… sick.. or something…

As they headed out today, Prompto shook off the uneasiness. Once they’d warmed up and set off, Gladio seemed fine.

The Shield had great form.. fast, powerful legs. Prompto sometimes had a hard time keeping up. At least Gladio seemed well enough to outpace him today… 

He was even joking around with him. They’d been playfully teasing Noct a bit.

“No way! He showed up wearing _that_?!” Prompto shrieked.

“Yeah.. you know the one, that fuzzy little number that says ‘ _I’m a fluffy chocobo!_ ’ in rhinestones!”

“Know it?! I bought him that damn shirt!” Prompto howled with laughter “I just had no idea he’d wear it to a godsdamn _diplomatic meeting!_ ”

“To be fair, he didn’t know it was a meeting til he walked through the door.. Gods! His face! He was mortified, but he still had to act all proper and shit. And Iggy was all red… it was hilarious!!”Gladio sniggered.

They were nearing the park. It was kind of a halfway mark for their route.

“Man I wish I coulda seen that! Priceless…” Prompto was wheezing. He paused to take a breather, grabbed his water bottle and took a sip. He hadn’t realized that Gladio had stopped too…

“Hey… wanna take a break or something..” He looked back at the older boy, who was a few paces behind. He was just standing there…

“Hey, Gladio.. y’alright?” Prompto didn’t know what.. but he felt like… something was wrong…

“’M fine.. s’just…” Gladio was slurring. He looked pale.

Worriedly, Prompto rushed over to him. “Hey, G? You good..?”

The older boy was swaying a bit. “’S a headache.. or somethin’… gods..I-“

All of a sudden, Gladio collapsed.

Prompto panicked.

He held out his arms to catch him.. but.. hell, Gladio was heavy.

The older boy crashed down onto the pavement.. not moving..

“Hey! Hey, Gladio! Hey.. oh gods.. what’s.. what’s wrong..?” Prompto was never good in these kinds of situations. He propped up Gadio’s head on his knees.

The Shield started to stir.

“Mnnnggh” his eyelids fluttered. Gods, up close he was so pale.. the bags under his eyes so stark.. dammit! Prompto _knew_ that he looked sick…

“What’s wrong, buddy? You alright?” Prompto hated how his voice shook.

Gladio ran a hand over his struggling eyes “..Prom.. sorry..I.. ‘m not feelin’ so good..”

Holding the Shield in his arms, Prompto noticed how much weight he’d lost. Up close it was evident. His cheeks caved in more than they had. He was lighter than he should be, with his height. Prompto could feel his ribs under his thin t-shirt.. oh hell…

“Gladio.. have you not been.. eating?” Prompto pulled his hand back “You’re really thin, dude….”

“M fine.. I..” Gladio was struggling to get up. He was on his knees now, hand on the pavement to steady himself “I juss get dizzy sometimes… I-it’s nothin’ to worry ‘bout.. got it under control…”

“Dude. No.” Prompto was dead serious “You’ve got a problem. I can see it. You’re seriously thin. Have you been… starving yourself?”

“Prom.. I-“ Gladio faltered again. His eyes rolled back.

 _Dammit_.

Prompto managed to catch him this time, guiding his head back to his lap.

Without hesitating, he whipped out his phone and called Ignis.

He was shaking.

“Prompto, how are you-“

“Iggy, we got a problem..” he cut off as the advisor answered. “It’s Gladio.. he.. he just collapsed.. he’s sick, dude. Real sick… I…I think he’s been starving himself..”

“Where are you? Is he alright?” he felt sick hearing the panic in Ignis’s voice. Gods. The advisor never sounded that… scared.

“We’re near the park.. gods..Iggy.. he’s not waking up… what do I do..?” Prompto realized distantly that there were tears in his eyes.

“Hold tight. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Ignis would take care of this.

Ignis would make this ok.

Gladio would be fine…

Gods..

He’d lost so much weight..

How hadn’t Prompto noticed…?

Prompto…. Who knew all too well what an eating disorder looked like…

Gods…

Gladio was his friend…

He felt so guilty for not noticing…

He would be alright…

He had to be…

He’d help his friend get through this…

-


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gladio's hospital visit sheds light on his condition. His father and friends are concerned. Ignis doesn't know how to approach him... how to help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm I dont know if this is gonna wrap up, or if things might just continue a bit... we'll seeee ~ enjoy!

-

Of course Ignis brought him to the hospital.

Gladio didn’t really have a say in the matter, turned out. After he’d collapsed on his run with Prompto, his memory was kinda hazy. He remembered the young blond freaking out, then Iggy showing up. The car ride to the hospital was all but lost to him. Next thing he knew some godsdamn nurse was breathing down his neck asking him a bunch of questions he didn’t want to answer.

“When was the last meal you had, sir?”

“…Dunno… can’t remember…” He did. It was another measly protein bar. Yesterday morning.

“Ok, Mr. Amicitia. Can you remember when these dizzy spells started happening?”

“…Maybe… a week or two? I don’t know..” Gladio was feeling self-conscious.

“If you’d just have a step on the scale here-” _Godsdammit_. Gladio reluctantly obliged. Why did the damn nurse care what he weighed? Was she gonna judge him for it too?

The scale shuttered when he stepped on it. He despised himself.

“Hmmm…” Her response was noncommittal.

Gladio felt mortified.

“The chart says you’re six foot six, nineteen years old, is that correct Mr. Amicitia?”

“Yeah.” He hated the way his voice sounded.

“Hmmm…” That annoying judgment again. “For someone of your size, your weight is quite… low. Let me just check something with the Doctor, sir. I’ll be right back.” She left. And Gladio sat down on the observation chair. He was… so… _uncomfortable_...

So… _what?_

He was underweight?

The way the nurse ran her eyes up and down her body made him… ughh fuck… his skin was crawling.

He didn’t feel underweight. He felt like his body was still fucking bigger than it should be.

So what if he was tall?

He couldn’t help that…

But the pudging around his stomach… his arms, his legs… that was the real issue.

And now Prompto... Iggy… they thought he had some kinda problem.

Yeah… he fucking passed out… but that’s just because he was still getting used to the diet… his body was adjusting.

He didn’t care what the nurse said.

The door to the private room opened, and much to Gladio’s further embarrassment, it wasn’t the doctor. It was his father.

“Son, they told me you collapsed-” His father sounded frantic “Is everything alright? Are you alright?”

His hands were cupping Gladio’s face, tender, caring. But it made Gladio feel suffocated.

“’M fine dad… just a dizzy spell.” But the way his father was now scrutinizing every inch of his body made him apprehensive. 

Then the doctor arrived. Gladio wanted to just shrink away. Escape somehow.

“Lord Amicitia,” The doctor addressed his father respectfully. Guess they all knew who he was now… “We’ve done a few tests on your son here. Seems his blood pressure was quite low. It’s probably the reason for the fainting.”

Clarus was nodding along, his hand on Gladio’s shoulder reassuring.

“But-” the doctor continued. Gladio heard his heart stop. Gods…he felt cold.

“It appears your son has lost a significant amount of weight recently. His current weight is statistically much lower than a boy of his size and age should be.”

Gladio felt his face burn. Beside him, his father stirred. “What do you mean? Losing weight? Gladio- have you been feeling ill, son?” His father sounded baffled.

“It’s nothing dad…” He barely sounded like himself.

“If you don’t mind, Lord Amicitia, there’s a few more questions I’d like to ask your son. A few tests too. Gladiolus?” The doctor addressing him directly made Gladio want to up and run.

“Have you been avoiding eating on a regular basis?”

“I…” Fuck. He didn’t know what to say. “I-I guess I haven’t been eating so great… maybe not as much as I used to…” Fucking pathetic.

“Hmm. And is there a reason for that? Feeling any sickness from food? Anything in particular that put you off?”

“No… I just… don’t really feel like it…” Gods. He felt red.

“Son, why haven’t you told me about this? Is it because I haven’t been around? Dammit, is Jared not preparing enough for you-”

“It’s not that, dad… ughh” Gladio tried to hide his face in his hands. “I’m just not… not hungry I guess.”

“Would you mind standing up over here, Gladiolus?” Astrals. The way the doctor was talking to him made him feel like a godsdamn child. _Gladiolus_. Gods, he hated his name. He reluctantly stood. The doctor pressed a stethoscope to his chest. Gladio hoped it didn’t show how much he was ready to jump out of his own skin.

“And would you mind removing your shirt for me, Gladiolus?”

Fuck.

Gladio wanted to die.

He hesitated.

“Come, son. Nothing to hide, eh? Do as the doctor says.”

Astrals.

With very little dignity left, Gladio shrugged his shirt off. This was possibly the most humiliating moment in his life.

From the doctor’s reaction, he knew that he’d done something wrong. His hard glare confirmed that they were all just fucking judging him. His father’s eyes were fixed on his son’s body.

Fucking.. fuck…

“Gladio…son…” his dad’s voice shook.

It was the reason he’d been hiding his body lately. Baggy t-shirts, hoodies. He didn’t want anyone to see. Anyone to fucking _judge_.

He knew he wasn’t ready yet.

His body was all… lumpy… ugly…

Fuck.

He’d been cutting back too much on his workouts…

Is that what they saw?

Flabby laziness… not good enough… too big… too slow…

_Worthless._

“Have you been feeling uncomfortable about your appearance lately, Gladiolus?” That damn doctor.

Gladio didn’t respond. He was still trying to hide his mortification.

Clarus gripped a hand hard on his shoulder.

He wanted to scream.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Gladiolus. A boy of your physique, it’s natural to want to look a certain way,” The doctor just prattled away. “But adjusting one’s diet as you have can be quite dangerous. It’s evident that your body is malnourished. An eating disorder is a very serious matter.”

Clarus stiffened next to him. “Eating disorder?” He sounded at a loss. “Why didn’t you tell me, son?”

Gladio was busy trying to conceal his chest… his body.

They were all looking.

Everything was about his godsdamned _body_.

“I’m fine dad.” Yeah right.

“You can put your shirt back on Gladiolus. I think now what we ought to discuss are some treatment methods…”

Gladio couldn’t even pay attention. As soon as his shirt was back on, he mentally blocked himself. Held himself close, in a shell.

So no one could look.

So no one could judge him anymore.

He watched his father respond to what the doctor was saying. Saw the pitied glances in his direction.

He just nodded to what the doctor was advising.

_Yes, I’ll follow a meal plan…_

_Yes, I’ll coordinate my workouts…_

_Yes fucking yes_ … He acquiesced blindly.

Just to make him stop.

When the doctor was finished, it was just Gladio and his father in the room.

“I’m sorry dad.” He felt like he needed to say it. To say something.

His father smiled. But behind it was his disappointment… his judgement.

“We’ll fix this, son. I’m here for you.”

Gladio felt sick.

He smiled too, to make his father feel reassured. And he’d do the damn suggestions; eat regular meals, have a set time for certain foods, workout more carefully…

But he’d still feel terrible.

Guess that was never go away, huh?

Never gonna be worthy enough…

For his duty…

His father…

Himself.

He was just a fucking deadweight…

-

Ignis regarded his friend as Lord Amicitia half-whispered an update to him.

Gladio was leaning against the cold hospital wall, trying his best to appear indifferent. He was still in his running gear. Prompto was attempting some sort of conversation. The older boy nodded along to what the youth was saying.

Ignis felt…

“You have my thanks, Scientia. I’m afraid I must be off. I trust you to take care of Gladio, I know you are very dear to him.” Clarus ruefully smiled and departed.

Yeah.

Ignis felt remorseful.

Like it was somehow his fault that things had gotten this bad.

An eating disorder. And Gladio had kept it from him.

Ignis had been waiting patiently in the hospital corridor since they’d arrived. Both he and Prompto, anticipating news of their friend’s condition.

But this…

Astrals.

Ignis would do everything he could to help Gladio.

“Come now, boys. I have the car out front.” Ignis beckoned the two down the hall. Prompto eagerly tugged Gladio’s arm.

The older boy made no effort to make eye contact with Ignis. He kept his head ducked, shame-faced.

Ignis didn’t know whether to address the situation… or… pretend that things were normal. They made their way to the car, Gladio sitting in the passenger seat, slumped and reserved.

Gods… Ignis was clueless as to how to approach him…

“So yeah. How ‘bout we get some lunch? I know I’m starving! There’s this place that does these insane sandwiches-” Bless Prompto. Always one to optimize the situation.

“Yes, I think that’s a fine idea? Gladio?” Ignis finally addressed the older boy.

“Sure.” His voice was gruff.

“C’mon Gladdy. It’ll be good for ya! Like we talked about, yeah? Can’t have you going hungry, remember. Food is strength!” Prompto had obviously already tried to broach the subject. His high spirits were something Ignis envied. The advisor was inclined to just tip-toe around his friend’s disorder until he felt he was more comfortable. But maybe he needed it out in the open.

“Gladio, just know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all here for you if you require any kind of support.” Ignis felt phony. “I can prepare meals for you if you like. Anything you want-”

“Thanks, Iggy. Really.” Gladio glanced at him, finally. There was that gentle kindness in his eyes. But still, he sounded uneasy. 

The deli that Prompto suggested turned out to be quite adequate. A wide variety of meats, toppings. Ignis hoped it wasn’t overwhelming to Gladio. All this food. But Prompto was enthusiastically ushering the older boy, pointing out things that looked tasty. Gladio let him.

They all grabbed something to eat, then found a table to sit. Gladio was staring at his food. Gods. Ignis had perceived his friend’s waning appetite, was worried about the boy for weeks really… but now… Gladio looked gaunt. Too thin. It was evident in the way he carried himself. Black shirt slung across his usually broad chest. It looked big on him now. How had Ignis let this go unnoticed?

The older boy was looking hesitant, so Prompto kindly encouraged him. “That looks good, G. Don’t feel pressured, bro. Just take a bite. So you’re not starving, remember? Like I said before. You’ll start to feel really weak if you don’t eat.” Prompto was surprisingly good at being supportive. Ignis felt incompetent.

Gladio took a bite. Then another. Then a bigger mouthful. He made a soft noise of content. “You’re right… I’m really hungry…” He said timidly.

“See! Eat up, dude. It’ll make you feel better! Are you still dizzy at all?”

“Not really,” Gladio was concentrating on his meal. It made Ignis relieved to see him enjoying it.

Still. He felt like he couldn’t say anything to him.

What _could_ he say?

That he’d been worried sick?

Hearing Prompto say that he’d just… collapsed?

And then what Lord Amicitia had divulged…

An eating disorder…

Dangerously underweight…

Ignis was distraught with concern.

Gladio was… he was Ignis’s friend… but… maybe…

He just wanted him to be alright.

Gladio finished up his meal, then sat back and looked more at ease.

“Thanks guys,” He said sheepishly, then ran a hand through his hair. “Guess I haven’t really been myself lately. Sorry.”

“Nothin’ to apologize for, man. We’re all gonna help you beat this thing for sure!”

“Thanks…” Gladio trailed off. Inadvertently, he caught Ignis’s eyes, then ducked back again, embarrassed.

Did Gladio not trust him?

Clearly he never came to Ignis about his… issues…

Even when Ignis had approached him early on…

No. Gladio was just trying to keep the whole thing a secret. Ignis didn’t want to intrude on his recovery if he wasn’t ready. 

He didn’t want to make Gladio feel even more uncomfortable about the whole thing.

So he would support him as much as he could. He just hope the older boy had enough faith in him to warrant that.

After their meal, the three boys went to Noct’s. It was Prompto’s idea that they all just hang out that day. He’d already missed most of school tagging along to the hospital. Ignis noted that the teen seemed hardly unhappy over that fact.

Prompto had Gladio challenge him in some racing game. The boy’s enthusiasm doing a lot to lift the Shield’s spirits. If only as a distraction. Ignis hovered back, uncertain. He felt like he had done nothing to help yet. But he didn’t… know _how_. It was frustrating.

Gladio was responding well to Prompto’s support. Talking back and forth. Mostly arbitrary stuff. But occasionally Prompto would offer some advice on his eating disorder. In a very non-judgmental way. Ignis was impressed. Gladio was still keeping things close to the chest. But he let the blond give him counsel anyway. 

When Noctis arrived from school, he was confused as to why his apartment had become a hangout without him. Prompto laughed as he explained his absence at school. Told Noct that he and Gladio had some incident. Noct didn’t ask more.

But later, Ignis spied Prompto whispering to the Prince, filling him in. And then Noct’s worried glances to his Shield. Gladio was trying his hardest to appear composed.

And Ignis… Ignis was trying to go on normally. He was preparing dinner, as the four of them decided it was best to just call this gathering a sleepover.

Prompto and Noct were now taking turns being distractions for Gladio’s benefit. Clowning around, really. But Gladio seemed glad for it. Ignis didn’t want to think about the way that, even smiling, Gladio looked sickly. He just busied himself with the dinner. Maybe that was his way of helping… providing meals for his friend… his friend who had starved himself… and didn’t tell him.

Had been starving himself for weeks, probably.

And Ignis just sat idly by.

Godsdammit…

The four all ate together in relative contentment. Prompto doing his best to be sensitive to Gladio’s predicament. Offering him food in a gentle way. Telling him that it was healthy, that it would help.

The Shield ate as well as he could. Thanked Ignis for the meal. Tried not to look so uncomfortable. But Ignis saw it. He saw through Gladio’s attempt at appearing ok. Ignis knew he wasn’t.

How could he be?

When Ignis arrived to the park where Gladio had fallen unconscious, the older boy looked…

Ignis saw his cheeks caving more than they ever had, the jawline that was always so strong, so handsome, was now… bony…stark. Ignis hated how long his gaze lingered on his form- the shirt had ridden up the boy’s chest, revealing… sharp hip bones pointing out… an impossibly flat stomach… Gladio had always been fit… muscular... but now… oh gods… what had he done to himself?... why didn’t Ignis do anything to help?… he knew he wasn’t eating properly… gods…

He was a horrible friend.

As he stood by, watching as Gladio pretended to be fine, laughing aimlessly along with the others, Ignis felt like he’d betrayed him somehow.

And then-

The time for bed approached, and Gladio was still avoiding him. He hadn’t even spoken to Ignis since lunch. He had spent a long time in the bathroom, changing into the spare pajamas he’d kept at Noct’s. Ignis hovered by the door, feckless and unsure. But when Gladio came out, the look on his face… he looked so _broken_. Ignis pretended he hadn’t seen. 

So they’d just prepared the bed in silence, the pullout couch they always shared. Gladio had laid down, tested his weight on the mattress. Shyly. He still wouldn’t look at Ignis.

The advisor didn’t know what to do. He crawled under the sheets next to him. Should he say something? What?

Gladio let out a sigh. Settled under the blankets. He turned. To hide from him. Ignis thought he was just pretending to be asleep already. He couldn’t just… Oh hell…

Ignis reached out a hand on Gladio’s back.

“Hey,” Ignis whispered.

Gladio didn’t respond.

“ _Gladio_.” He said his name softly.

Slowly, the older boy turned. He still kept his eyes low.

Ignis didn’t know what to say now. What had he even been planning on saying? Maybe nothing. Instead he just… “Hmmnn..” He hummed through his chest, and pulled himself closer to Gladio. They were practically embracing now. He felt the older boy shiver, heard a catch in his throat like he was about to say something. But he didn’t. He let Ignis hold him.

“Gladio.” He said his name again. With that, the boy finally made to speak.

“Iggy..I-I..”

“Shhhh…” Ignis ran a soothing hand up his back. He was cradling him in his arms now. Gods. He was so thin. Poor thing.

Timidly, Gladio reached out his arms to encircle Ignis. He made a soft noise, a kind of pent-up sigh. Ignis let it wash over him.

“Gladio, look at me…”

He did. Finally. Amber eyes looking so… troubled.

Ignis hated it.

“Iggy.. I’m sorry…”

“No.” Ignis wouldn’t let him say sorry. He brought up a hand, traced his too-thin cheek.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I… I just hate myself or something…”

“No…”

“Iggy… I’m… I know I shoulda been eating, I know… I just… _Gods_ … I hate the way I look...so fucking... ugly… not good enough…” The pain in his voice was raw.

“Gladio.” That name again. So beautiful, really. “ _Look at me_.”

He did.

The deep ache in his gaze nearly made Ignis weep.

“Gladio… you…” Ignis trembled. “You are so handsome. Really. You… you have no idea, do you?”

Gladio’s response was lost in a sob.

Ignis held him even closer, let the cries rack his body.

“You really don’t see it… the way I see it… you’re perfect Gladio…” Ignis was just mindlessly rambling. “You can’t see how strong you are. You thought you could carry this burden alone. But I’m here. I’m here for you... Gladio…” He held the weeping boy.

He’d hold him all night, if he’d have to.

He’d never let go.

Guess he figured out how to help after all. 

-


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gladio starts to heal. His family, his friends, they're all there for him... so why does he still feel worthless... why does he start sabotaging himself again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was nearly over, but I decided there would be a little more drama before Gladio could really overcome his problem. poor boy. Enjoy!

-

After his big secret was out, Gladio’s dad had taken a few days off from his duties. He didn’t know how he pulled that. Regis was understanding, he guessed. Made him feel embarrassed if his dad had told the King he had to leave work because his son was a fucking disgrace…

But he tried not to think about it. He was trying to think positive.

His meltdown in front of Iggy last night was a kind of catalyst. It was a release for him; all the bottled-up emotions, frustrations, lies…. He was beginning to be able to confront his disorder. Ignis held him all night, and Gladio let him. It felt like healing in a way. He just hoped Ignis didn’t’ hold it against him. What were they now? Gladio still didn’t feel good enough for him…

Fuck.

_Think positive._

That’s what Ignis had told him. In the morning. After he’d seen him cry. He had smiled at Gladio, so brightly. He seemed slightly shy about the whole thing, their intimacy. Gladio thought he looked… so beautiful. And Ignis had told him too... said he was handsome, right? So why did Gladio still have a hard time believing it…

When he’d arrived back to his house in the morning, he was surprised to see his father waiting for him. Clarus just stood, walked over to him, wrapped him in a hug so tight. Gladio didn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say.

Seemed his father didn’t know either. He didn’t bring up the hospital visit, the eating disorder. He just began preparing breakfast. Gladio sat and watched, hands nervously scratching his head.

Eventually, Iris woke up. She bounded down the stairs and when she saw her father was home she beamed.

“Daddy! Why’re you home? Is this another special day I’m forgetting?” She plopped next to Gladio at the kitchen table.

“No, little one. I’ve just decided to take some time off, spend time with you both,” His father went back to his cooking.

“Awesome! It’s so cool having dad around, right Gladdy?”

“Yeah.” It was really. Gladio had been missing his father lately. They hadn’t seemed to be as close… maybe since his mother….

“I’ve been spending far too much time away, and I really must apologize for it.” Clarus said “Can’t have your brother taking all my responsibilities, now can I?”

“Gladdy does a good job taking care of me,” Iris snuggled up next to her older brother “But it’s not the same without you dad.”

Clarus finished up preparing the meal. A simple breakfast; toast, eggs, sausage. He guiltily made eye contact with his son. Iris, meanwhile, made a mad dash to grab some food.

“Easy, moogle. Let your brother have a fair amount. He needs it more than you.”

Gladio blushed.

“Why? What’s wrong with Gladdy? Is he sick or something?” Iris was now inspecting him.

“Your brother…” Astrals. He didn’t want his dad to spill everything to Iris. Gladio didn’t want to worry his little sister. “Gladio’s just been working a bit too hard lately. It’s why I wanted to take some time off. Take some of that weight off his shoulders…”

Some of that weight… fuck…

He knew his dad didn’t mean it that way…

 _Astrals_ …

“Is it… my fault?” Iris sadly asked.

“No, silly thing. I’m fine, Iri. Nothin’ to worry about,” With that Gladio helped himself to some breakfast. He felt ok. He had eaten yesterday. Two full meals. And his talk with Prompto had really helped. The kid had really beaten it into him that this wasn’t his fault. That he shouldn’t be ashamed. And that eating would only help him. He tried to focus on that as he forced the food down.

“You do look weird though, Gladdy. All… pale. Are you sure you’re not sick?” There was growing panic in Iris’s voice. “Dad, is Gladdy dying?”

Clarus let out a short laugh. “Heavens, little one! Your brother isn’t dying.”

“Iri. Don’t overreact now. Do I really look that bad, huh?” Gladio poked his sister in the ribs. She squealed. “Do I?”

“Gladdy! Don’t!” She began poking him back. Surprisingly aggressively. She was laughing, but then she stopped abruptly. “Gladdy…” She was tugging at his shirt. “Why’re you so…skinny?”

His heart skipped a beat. With a loud noise, his father stood up from his chair. “Come now, little one. Leave your brother alone.” He sounded abnormally stern. 

“Gladio…?” His sister was still pulling his shirt.

Gladio abruptly stood.

“I’m done. Thanks dad. It was… really good. I’ll help with the dishes-”

“No. Gladio. Please. It’s alright.” Gods this was awkward. His dad was hovering over him, a hand unsure if it should comfort him.

“I’m fine dad.”

But Gladio didn’t feel fine. He hated the way his father was looking at him, all worried. The way he scrutinized him while he was eating. And Iris. His sister was still sitting at the table, confusion written on her face. She was staring.

He didn’t want people looking at him anymore.

He had to leave.

Without further thought, he ran out into the hall. Gods. He was suffocating. The baggy shirt he wore felt like a straight-jacket. He pulled on it. Felt his hard body underneath.

No.

He wouldn’t hate himself today.

No. He’d promised Iggy. He told him he’d be positive, right?

He wouldn’t hate the way he looked.

Iggy liked him.

Didn’t he?

He didn’t know why…

Distantly he heard his sister's voice. Alarmed.

“What’s wrong with him, daddy?”

“Your brother is just… dealing with some things.”

“Oh…”

He couldn’t take it. Gladio ran upstairs. Not to his room, but the bathroom. Fuck.

What was he doing?

He began crushing his head in his hands. Hard fingers pushing into his scalp. Astrals.

No… he wouldn’t...

He wouldn’t look.

He’d promised Iggy...

Promised...

Fuck.

He couldn’t help it. He stared into the mirror. Obsessively. His eyes analyzing the haggardness of his face, tracing the outline of his body under the t-shirt. Is this what everyone saw? Is this what he looked like?

_…the way I see it… you’re perfect Gladio…_

That’s what Ignis had said. He thought Gladio was… perfect?

_Liar._

No.

Iggy had meant it. Iggy liked him. And he liked Iggy.

But Gods…

He looked… so _awful_.

Gladio choked on a sob.

Without really meaning to, he pulled up his shirt.

He was _emaciated_. But he didn’t want to acknowledge it.

No.

He wasn’t good enough…

Iggy didn’t think he was perfect… not yet at least.

No.

Why was he doing this?

Not again.

He’d told Prompto he understood. He had to eat. He’d feel so much better. Really.

But why?

Why did he feel this way?

Why did he look so ugly…

Why?

Why..why…

There was a tentative knock on the door. Gladio flinched.

“Gladdy…?” It was Iris.

He swallowed down the sob in his throat. His sister couldn’t see him like this.

“What’s up, Iri?” Gods. Is that what he sounded like?

“Gladdy… dad said…hmnn,” She paused. Gladio had his head pressed against the door. “I wanna help you. Can you open the door?”

He felt his heart in his throat. Cautiously, he cracked the door open. His sister was there, looking so sad. She was hiding something behind her back.

“Can I come in?” She asked.

“Yeah… sure.” Gladio’s voice was still wavering.

“Dad said… you were having trouble eating… I don’t want you to be sick, Gladdy,” Iris looked shy. “Here-”

Suddenly, she thrusted her hands forward. Gladio looked down. In her hands was some kind of cupcake.

“It was my friend’s birthday the other day, Malina. You remember her, right?’ Iris was rambling “She made cupcakes for the whole class. I got two! But I’ve been saving this one. I was gonna have it for dessert… but… but I want you to have it! Gladdy, I want you to have it so you can feel better s-”

She didn’t finish, because Gladio caught her in a sudden hug.

“Gladdy!” Iris huffed indignantly. She still clutched the cupcake in her hand, careful not to drop it.

Gladio just held his little sister, loving her beyond words. Belatedly, he realized there were tears in his eyes.

“Gladdy, don’t cry! I’m sorry I ate the other one, otherwise I woulda given it to you too. It’s strawberry…”

“Thanks, moogle.” Gladio released her and wiped at his eyes.

“Don’t be sad.” Iris was staring up at him. “I don’t want you to be sick, Gladdy. You gotta be big and strong, to protect me!” She beamed, than shoved the cupcake in his hand.

“I’ll be ok Iris. I promise,” His voice still shook. Hesitantly, he took a bite of the cupcake. He tried not to just start sobbing over it.

“Astrals, Gladdy! You’re a mess!” Iris was laughing at him. “I didn’t think it was that good!”

Gladio choked out a laugh. Or maybe a sob.

He _was_ a mess.

“Hmm. It is pretty good though…”

“Yeah… I really liked the sprinkles…”

“Mmm…”

“Maybe we can make some… together…”

Maybe he could get through this.

-

It had been some time, and Gladio was feeling good.

His father had been pretty supportive during his week off. The two had gone on a little road-trip. Camping. Gladio always loved camping. It reminded him of being a kid; him and his dad, out in the wilderness together.

This time, Clarus and Gladio got to have a long talk. Something they hardly ever did anymore. Gladio didn’t really want to get into his issues, but his dad was open. He asked him if he could help somehow.

Asked him what had been bothering him. And Gladio told him. Said he wasn’t happy about how he was… his body. It was awkward. But Clarus didn’t push him. He clapped a hand on his son’s back. Massaged his shoulder gently over his sweatshirt. 

“Your body is a vessel for your strength. You know that?”

“Hmnn…”

“You have to nourish it, cultivate it. I’ll help you get back on track.”

It was the closest they’d been since Gladio’s mother died. Maybe he’d been avoiding his dad, he realized. He really had to stop pushing people away. They only wanted to help him.

So after their trip, Gladio started taking his eating seriously. He ate when he was supposed to. Ate more than he felt comfortable with. He didn’t want to let down his father. Clarus made him realize how important his health was. Especially for his duties.

And Noct.

Gladio began his training with the Prince again. After he’d found a balance with his diet, he wasn’t struggling anymore, he noticed. When he ate full meals, he could focus on the training better. He wasn’t dizzy. And he had no problem over-powering Noctis again. Much to the Prince’s chagrin.

But then there was Ignis.

After consoling Gladio and doing a lot to help him address his disorder, the Shield didn’t know where he stood with the advisor. The group of boys frequently would hang around Noct’s apartment. And Iggy was always preparing delicious meals, ones Gladio actually started looking forward to. It was nice. Having Ignis look after him. The two didn’t really acknowledge their growing attraction. Gladio felt embarrassed that Ignis had seen him at such a low point. He didn’t’ know if the advisor had meant all that he said… didn’t know if he was just saying it to make Gladio feel better. Still. He appreciated all the time they did spend together. 

It was becoming a regular thing that he would join Ignis in picking up Noct and Prompto from school. Gladio was glad to have such a strong bond with his friends; it distracted him from his feelings of inadequacy that still popped up every now and then. He didn’t want to bring up when he was feeling down. He really was doing ok with the eating. Rarely even spent time looking at himself in the mirror, weighing himself on the scale. But… it was still there… in the back of his mind.

He tried his hardest to push it back.

His long legs stretched out, he leaned against the stone fence, outside the high school that Noct and Prompto went to. Ignis was called over by one of the administrators, some advisory issues about the prince’s schedule or something. A bell rang, and suddenly the yard was filling up with students, eager to get home.

Gladio just waited.

In the distance, he saw a familiar blond head. He waved over to Prompto, who nearly tripped over himself waving back. The teen reached him and grinned.

“Greetings Gladiolus!” He did a silly little bow. “Iggy not with you today?”

“Had a meeting or something. Guess Noct’s with him. They’ll probably be out soon enough.”

The two just laid back, watching the hoard of teenagers exit the building.

“Who’s that _big guy_ with Argentum?”

Prompto perked up hearing his surname. Gladio wasn’t really listening.

“Yeah… I’ve seen him around before… Prince’s bodyguard or something…”

“He’s kinda hot, no? In a beefy kinda way…”

Now Gladio was trying his hardest _not_ to listen.

“What’s he doing with Argentum? He his boyfriend?”

“Hah! Prompto and him. He’d probably crush the poor boy. Look at the size difference-”

Gladio turned his back. The two students discussing him passed by, laughing. At his side, Prompto was fretfully flitting his head back and forth. Maybe he’d pretend he hadn’t heard too…

The boy let out a nervous chuckle “Don’t listen to that Gladio. Just kids being stupid…”

“Pshh. Yeah.” Gladio brushed him off. But he felt… exposed. Or something. He ran a hand through his hair.

Eventually Noct and Iggy arrived. Thank Gods. Prompto was still hovering around him. Trying to divert him from the stupid comment. But his face felt flushed.

“Sup, G?” Noct tossed him something, and instinctually Gladio caught it. “Got it from the vending machine. I know you like the spicy kind.”

It was a bag of chips. Lately Noct had been doing stuff like this. Giving Gladio snacks that he liked, like he was a picky kid or something…

What was he? A fucking charity case? 

Gladio felt pathetic.

When they got in the car, he just shoved the chips into his workout bag. He wasn’t hungry. Gladio didn’t look at Ignis, but felt his eyes on him. He shrugged it off.

They hung out that night, and Gladio tried his hardest to shake off the schoolkids’ comments. But their mockery, the image of him crushing Prompto…Prompto, small, slight… and him… fucking huge… beefy, they’d said… gods… he was just so big, huh? 

Prompto was being extra nice to him, too. Like he was some fragile little kid. He couldn’t stand the way they were all treating him… Noct, with the snacks, Prompto a constant optimist… even Ignis…

He had to leave. Before Ignis could present him with some no-doubt delicious meal that he couldn’t resist.

He told them that his dad was gonna be back early, so he went home without saying anything else.

Gladio had a quiet meal with Iris that night instead. He ate as much as he could handle. Iris was prattling away about some school play thing, so he let her enthusiasm sidetrack him.

He pushed the food on his plate. Decided he wasn’t hungry… not really.

He didn’t even realize he was falling into the trap again before it was too late.

-

It had been a few weeks, and distantly Gladio realized that he’d been avoiding his friends. It was dumb, really. They hadn’t done anything wrong. But every time he got a text asking if he wanted to hang, he came up with some excuse.

Gotta help Iris… gotta do some extra training…

He fell back on working out. It was a kind of comfort zone for him. He didn’t want to get lazy again… no…

Gladio couldn’t get careless.The time he spent in the gym was a diversion. He didn’t want to face that he still had a problem…

That he still…

No.

He’d only skipped one meal.

No big deal.

It wasn’t his fault that he did it again…

He was late for training…

Didn’t have time for lunch…

Yeah.

It was just an accident…

He was slipping.

-

Turned out his sanctuary at the gym was short-lived.

Gladio was on the rowing machine, working his whole body at high resistance. He’d been there for a while, concentrating on the workout.

He didn’t even notice the others around him, until-

“Fuck. Amicitia’s really been hoggin’ that thing, eh?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t know when to quit, does he?”

“No wonder the kid’s fucking huge…”

Gladio felt his ears ringing. After a few more repetitions, he stopped, sat up. He felt dizzy.

No.

He wouldn’t…

Fuck.

He quickly walked to the locker room. Ignored how his hands shook as he wiped the sweat off his neck. Then he heard the giggling.

Two women, outside the door he just entered.

“You think he’s single?”

“I don’t know, been seeing him hang around that prissy advisor a lot. You know, Scientia.”

“Mmnn a pity.”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t mind having a taste of that.”

“Grade A Lucian beef!” There was howling laughter. 

Gladio wanted to die.

He barreled through the door, ignoring the two dumb-fuck trainees. They were probably staring. Like he was a piece of fucking meat. Fuck it.

He could barely focus as he stumbled his way home.

No dinner that night.

He pretended he didn’t notice Iris’s worried eyes.

He disregarded his father when he came home to check on him. Told him he’d eaten something before.

He didn’t.

And he wouldn’t.

Because he was fucking huge.

-

If he pretended he was fine, then nobody would notice.

He’d developed a sick little routine.

Wake up, eat with Iris, just to appease her. Then he’d quickly head upstairs. The bathroom. He’d rinse his mouth out after. He’d been brushing his teeth a lot.

And lunch. He’d spar with Noct, they’d share something usually. Gladio always disappeared to the shower room, briefly. When he came back, they hadn’t noticed. So he was good.

Dinner with his friends. He always ate what Iggy’d cooked. Didn’t want to disappoint him. Didn’t want him to think he was… no good… a loser…ugly…

So he’d stick his fingers down his throat to justify it all.

Make it all go away.

No one would even notice.

He was eating, right?

It was all good.

But…

Why was he still so…

Unsatisfied.

-

Gladio knew he was distancing himself from his friends for too long. It was Ignis. Mostly.

He didn’t want Iggy to see him…

He wasn’t ready yet.

Wasn’t good enough for him…

Cuz Iggy wouldn’t like him like this…

He looked awful…

And he was throwing up his meals. All the time.

He didn’t want to think about it.

So instead, he focused all his efforts on working out. In the privacy of his room. Hand weights, sit-ups, pushups, one-handed, harder…faster…more…

He was making his body the vessel of strength, like his father told him.

His body was hard, now.

Solid under his touch.

Firm, unyielding.

He felt good. For once.

He didn’t have those soft patches on his stomach any more.

It was all taut, thin…

He should feel good, right?

This is what he wanted…

But..

In the mirror-

He kept looking for… more… for something else…

He was still too…

Too ugly.

Ignis wouldn’t like that..

He was..

Fuck. Gladio was panting. He’d just thrown up another meal. His throat _burned_. Even the toothpaste didn’t quell the acidic taste in his mouth.

What had he done?

What was he _doing?_

The bile in his throat choked him again. Fuck. It hurt so bad. He’d been forcing himself to be sick for almost a month now. He thought he’d get used to it. But he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t know what to do. So he turned on the shower. That always made him feel better, right? He tugged his shirt off…

No.

Gods...

Why did he always look?

He ran into the shower, it wasn’t even hot yet. He just had to escape. The mirror. His body. His _face_.

So ugly.

He was so horrible-looking.

Even with the body that he thought he wanted.

Gladio ran a hand up his face. There was coarse stubble breaching his chin. Fuck. He hadn’t been grooming himself properly. He was a fucking mess. His face. His teeth… gods his _throat_ … he felt awful.

He turned off the shower. He was only half-wet. Didn’t even wash himself. He just went for his trimmer.

Fuck.

He needed to shave.

Then he’d look alright… maybe...

Godsdammit…

His hands trembled as he used his electric-trimmer to shave his chin. The little stubs of hair made him look even worse. Gaunt. Like a corpse.

Astrals. His head fucking hurt.

Gladio shook. The trimmer was vibrating against his skin. He used his other hand to grab at his head. Fingernails digging cruelly into his scalp.

Fuck.

Gods.

He kept pulling, until there were clumps of his own hair in his hands, falling into the sink.

His head ached.

He didn’t know what to do.

So he took the razor from his chin to his hairline. Adjusted the setting. He just let it go. The electric vibrating actually calmed his head-ache a bit. Like a massage. He kept going.

Hair. Falling.

He looked down in the sink.

It was full of his dark locks. So he kept going.

Kept shaving until his whole head was buzzed.

Fuck.

What had he done?

Gladio finally faced himself in the mirror.

His hair was now just a buzzed shadow along his head. He drew his hands up it. Felt the bristles of it on his finger-pads.

Oh gods…

What had he done…?

It was too late now…

Guess he’d be ugly forever then…

-


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompto and the gang are worried for Gladio. When they confront him, things go badly. Surprisingly its King Regis who is left to give Gladio some much needed comfort...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swore this was gonna be the last chap... but I need one more to wrap it up. Poor boy deserves some proper closure. Enjoy~

-

Prompto adjusted the straps of his book-bag, making his way to the parking lot. He was in a foul mood, and not just because he was pretty sure he’d just bombed that math test, no-

It was because Iggy was there to pick up him and Noct… but there was no sign of Gladio. Again.

He tried not to let the concern bleed through his voice. “Where’s Gladio, huh? He’s just gonna keep ditching us?”

The Shield had been increasingly absent over the last month, always claiming to be busy. Which would be fine. If Prompto hadn’t known about his eating disorder. The lies and excuses were all too telling. And even though Noct claimed that the older boy seemed fine, was eating meals with him regularly, training him every week, Prompto knew better...

That Gladio was far from fine.

And he was trying to hide it by avoiding them all.

Ignis kept his voice neutral. “I haven’t seen him these days… actually it’s been quite some time...” He looked conflicted.

“He didn’t show up to training yesterday,” Noct admitted. “Didn’t even call. I’ve got a bad feeling… you think he’s back to his old habits or something?”

The boys had been doing their best to support Gladio through his difficulties. But it wasn’t like they could just get up in his face all the time, asking if he was eating, if he was feeling ok. For the most part, they were under the assumption that the older boy had been able to confront his illness, actually taking proper measures to overcome it. In the beginning, at least, when he was frequently spending time with them, enjoying meals, seeming like his old self. 

But now-

Prompto felt super guilty. He’d promised to look after him. Because he felt indebted, somehow. Like his own past warranted that he keep the same thing from happening to people close to him.

But look what happened-

Gladio had been hiding his disorder for a while before any of them really noticed…

And now…where was he?

What else was he keeping from them?

Had he relapsed?

Or was it…

Was he avoiding Prompto because he thought all his efforts were annoying?

Did he try to force himself on the older boy… too much… too naggy…

He knew he could be kinda obnoxious..

Still...

He felt _bad._

The blond had been distracted lately, exams coming up.

It wasn’t an excuse…just-

_Gods._

He really wanted to see Gladio face-to-face… make sure he was alright.

“Imma call him.” Noct picked up his cell phone, scrolling to find the name. It just kept ringing. “Pick up, bastard.”

There was no answer. Noct grumbled. “That prick is putting me in a bind, ya know? Without him there yesterday, I had to spar with _Cor_. Damn near lost my life. Gladio didn’t even message to warn me…”

He tried calling again. No answer. A text. Nothing.

Prompto was starting to panic. And at his side, Ignis seemed distracted. The blond had seen Iggy and Gladio getting on well together… developing a closer relationships of sorts. It was nice. And Iggy looked so happy. Until lately. When Gladio didn’t even bother responding to their calls. He wondered if Iggy was hurt by the older boy’s actions...

“I know-” Noct perked up, and began digging through his school bag once again. “Hmmm...I know it’s here somewhere… damn prick made sure I always had it at school…ah!” He pulled out another cellphone.

“Emergency phone. For emergencies… or whatever.” It appeared this fell into the category of _whatever_.

Noct put the phone on speaker, one ring and-

“ _Noct?_ What’s wrong?! You alright?” Gladio’s voice was sharp, urgent.

“’M fine thanks and how are you?” Noct drawled casually.

“What- Noct what’s going on?”

“Nothin’ much, just been lookin’ for this jerk that’s been ghosting me…”

“Why’re you using the emergency line!?” Gladio sounded frantic, like he’d just stifled a heart-attack.

“Because you’re not answering my regular phone, you bastard! Now where the hell are you? Think you can just run out on me all the time? Why weren’t you at training?” Noct bombarded him with questions.

The Shield took his time answering. “I’ve just… I’m busy… sorry…”

“Yeah! _Busy_.” Noct said derisively. “We want to see you dude. Can’t keep avoiding us forever. If you don’t meet up with us at the arcade in fifteen minutes, I’m sending out a Glaive search team for you.”

And simple as that, Noct asserted his dominance.

Gladio couldn’t say no to the Crown Prince, right?

The boys had Iggy drive them to the arcade. Prompto had a sick feeling in his gut the whole time. Gladio had sounded ok on the phone… still… why did he only respond when it was the emergency line?

Turned out that the Shield was already waiting for them when they arrived.

Prompto waved over to him, enthusiastically.

Gladio was wearing a baggy sweatshirt, and on his head was a cap. He looked…

“Damn, dude. This why you’ve been skipping out on us? Cuz you look like a godsdamn corpse!” Noct had little tact.

“Nice to see you too, Princess.” Gladio tried to remain casual, but there was something off with his voice.

“Gladdy!” Prompto opted for the cheerful route. “We’ve been missing you, my man! My morning runs haven’t been the same without you…”

Should he acknowledge the elephant in the room..?.. or rather the very skinny, obviously unhealthy again elephant…?

“Sorry, Prom. I’ve been bu-”

“ _Busy_ …” Noct interrupted. “We know. You’re not fooling anyone anymore. Now what the fuck’s been going on with you? We have to take you to the hospital again-?”

“I’m fine, Noct! I don’t need your worrying.” Gladio sounded defensive.

Prompto didn’t know how best to approach him. He just smiled at the older boy, hoping that maybe later, privately, they would have a little chat…

Distantly he registered Ignis, lurking back by the car. He hadn’t said anything yet, just kinda looked disappointedly at Gladio.

But Noct...

It seemed the Prince was set on laying it all out-

“You’re clearly _not fine_ , G! We can all see it. So quit pretending so we can get on with this-”

“Leave, it Noct-”

“Yeah sure! We’ll just let you carry on fucking killing yourself over nothing-”

“I said I’m fine!” Gladio practically shouted. Noct looked pissed off.

“Whatever man. If you wanna pretend everything’s ok, go ahead! If you want to ignore your friends, _fine!_ But you quitting out on your duties? Now that’s something I thought you’d never do.” Noct had never sounded more serious to his Shield. Prompto nervously tried to placate, placing a hand on either of their shoulders.

“I… I had some things to work out. Don’t expect me to miss a session again.” Gladio was hard, brusque.

“Listen, Gladio…” Prompto said. “Noct’s just looking out. We want to help you. I don’t like seein’ you so down, dude. Remember what we talked about? If you’re feeling like you’re slipping back into your problems-”

“Problems?” Gladio barked. “Am I just a big mess you want to fix? Is everything I do a fucking problem?”

“No that’s not-”

“You think I’m just a useless piece of shit? Can’t even be a proper Shield?” Gladio sounded hysterical. There was a raspy edge to his voice. Like he’d spent a lot of time screaming, made his throat raw.

“Gladio! Seriously?!” Noct snapped. “We’re not saying that and you know it! But fuck! Look at yourself man-” 

“Yeah I look like shit! Think I don’t know?” Gladio wrenched out of Prompto’s hold, brought a hand up to his head as if to yank his hair, like he’d done when he was anxious, but instead he pulled the hat from his head. Looked like he forgot it was there. “You think I don’t see it? Don’t realize how fucking pathetic I am-”

Gladio rambled on, but Prompto was gaping up at him.

Then the older boy stopped.

Realized they were all staring.

“Gladio…” Prompto didn’t know what to say.

Gladio’s hair was gone. All buzzed off, kinda patchy in spots.

He must’ve done it to himself…

It made him look even more sickly.

“Gladio.” This time it was Ignis. And that was enough to set him off again-

Gladio looked around, panicky, at his friends. He caught Ignis’s eyes and began furiously scratching at his shaved head.

“What did you do, G?” Noct’s voice was soft this time, sympathetic.

But it made Gladio start to freak out again.

“I’m fine. Alright? Just… Just… leave me alone…” With that, he made to retreat.

“Gladio!” Noct tried to pull him back, but it was too late. The Shield slipped away.

“Later, guys. Noct. See you next week for training.” Gladio tried to sound casual. But the husky edge in his voice made it sound like a croak. 

The three just stood and watched him leave. Prompto felt like… crying or something. He didn’t know what to do.

Ignis was pointedly not saying anything.

And Noct… Noct was scuffing his school-shoes against the hard concrete, looking like he wanted to punch something.

Prompto felt so guilty.

He was a horrible friend, the blond thought. How could he have let this happen? Again.

Why wasn’t he there for Gladio?

Gladio who was so clearly suffering.

He just let him walk away.

With that horrible look on his face.

His voice… raw…

And that godsdamn buzzcut…

_Fuck._

Prompto went home that night, showered, shuddered against the bathroom wall, feeling sick inside.

It reminded him of…

Godsdammit...

He changed, got ready for dinner then-

The bottom drawer of his dresser called out to him. He crawled down onto the floor, opened it.

He hadn’t looked in there for quite some time. He hadn’t needed to.

But Gladio…

Prompto held the album to his chest, thinking.

He would call Gladio…

He would call him and they would talk.

And he’d show him…

He’d show him so that he could realize.

Understand.

And he’d be ok.

Prompto would make sure this time.

-

Gladio was running out of options.

He’d known his friends were likely to intercede, he just didn’t want to be confronted.

Because he was losing it.

It was plain as day.

After the Shield had gone and buzzed all his hair off, he’d fallen apart.

And he was left scrambling, trying to pick up the pieces.

Gladio was pacing the foyer of the Amicitia manor, having just run all the way from the arcade. His hands were feverishly scraping his shaved scalp.

Ah.. fuck...

He was starting to form scabs.

All the scratching.

His spontaneous haircut was disastrous and after, he tried his hardest to hide it from everyone. The cap was just a temporary fix. He ignored the look his father gave when he caught him without it. That shocked expression. Ignored Iris. She seemed so confused at what he’d done. He didn’t want to face her.

Couldn’t make excuses anymore. 

But he really _had_ been busy.

Gladio’s solution to avoiding his problems came in the form of asking to be assigned shifts at the Citadel. Bodyguard stuff. Something he hadn’t done since he was a trainee. But, gods, he needed the distraction.

The Shield had been running ragged, signing up for as many shifts as he could. A posting at the Citadel gate. A temporary leave replacement for some Glaive. He didn’t ask questions. Just nodded at whatever was available.

He did feel bad for missing his training with Noct. It was highly unprofessional of him, really.

But he couldn’t face the damn kid.

Not now.

Not in this state.

As state that left him hollow inside. Constantly throwing up the food he ate to feel ok. But he wasn’t ok. It was getting worse. So bad that even the sight of food left him running for the bathroom.

He ran a hand up his scalp again.

Fuck.

He was due for a shift at the royal apartments that afternoon. Under orders to wear his official uniform. Not hats.

He couldn’t hide forever.

Collecting whatever dignity he had left, he made for the Citadel.

The royal apartments were a place he was all too familiar with. Having watched Noct grow up there, and his father practically living out of Regis’s quarters during times of crisis.

But now-

Now he felt so out of place he wanted to run and hide.

Gladio kept self-consciously scraping his head. He’d ignored the looks he got. Those who knew him eyeing him disparagingly. A few people asked what the hell happened to his hair. He tried to laugh it off.

He had never felt so pathetic.

Especially as he was acting as King Regis’s guard that day.

Standing outside his chambers. Like what? Someone would try to attack him while he was enjoying a brunch? He hadn’t seen the King yet, and wasn’t keen on it. He felt exposed.

So when the door opened, and Regis himself began casually speaking, Gladio stood stock-still.

“Pontius, do you happen to have a- oh!” there was plain surprise in the King’s voice. “Young Amicitia! And here I thought I’d just be dealing with your father today. But alas! What brings you here?”

“Guard duty, sir. Been taking some extra shifts,” Gladio hoped he didn’t sound so phony.

“Ah…” Regis seemed unsure. “Your father mentioned that you’d been… ambitious, lately. It’s a pleasant surprise, I’ll have you know. Please-” he motioned inside. “Do join me, Gladiolus. It’s rare I get to share my time with such youthful company.”

Gladio had a suspicion he was just being overly-nice. He found it hard to believe that the King was regularly inviting his Guards to afternoon tea…

Reluctantly, Gladio entered and took a seat on the plush sofa, opposite the King.

“Noctis says your training had been most adequate.” Regis smiled politely “What were his words… ah! A tank whose sole purpose is to whip him into a little bitch… something like that.”

Gladio stared, open-mouthed.

He had no idea how to react... to _that_.

“Take the commendation, boy.” Regis winked.

That was… not what Gladio expected.

“Now, Gladiolus,” Regis was so godsdammned casual it nearly caused Gladio to combust. “What’s a young man such as yourself doing taking such a boring post, eh? My son not giving you enough to worry about? Should I be concerned that he’s, dare I say it, actually growing responsible?”

“It’s nothing like that, sir.” Way to throw Noct under the bus… “That is to say… I’ve just been looking for some extra work. Something to focus on.”

“I see.” Regis sat back and considered him quietly.

“Hmmn,” The King chuckled. “I must admit… with that haircut you’re beginning to look even more like your father, boy.”

“That a compliment sir?” Gladio tried to keep the chortle out of his response. He absently scratched the back of his head.

“Hmmn. I wouldn’t begrudge Clarus that. A handsome boy you’ve grown up to be, Gladiolus. You should know your father is most proud of you. Constantly bragging about you and such.”

Gladio felt his face flush. “Well I give you compliments to your own son, then. Noct is growing fiercer by the day. He’ll be a force to be reckoned with, for sure. And I don’t just say things like that about everyone.”

Regis nodded, pleased. “You have my gratitude, young Amicitia. Now-” He motioned to a servant, hidden away somewhere in the background “Please. Join me for a light lunch.”

And that’s all it took-

Suddenly there were servers bringing trays to the small sitting table.

And Gladio was...

_Overwhelmed._

It was a humble arrangement of lunch foods, fruit, bread, meats…

All of it…

Oh gods.

Regis started making a plate, gesturing up at Gladio to do the same.

How could he refuse…?

But the food…

Oh gods.

Gladio felt his throat clench…

That ache deep in his gut..

Oh gods…

_Fuck._

“Excuse me sir…” he managed to form words around his rising gorge. “The bathroom… where…”

He abruptly stood, not knowing what to do.

He just knew he had to…

Gods…

Without really thinking at all, he ran down a corridor. He was pretty sure there was a water closet somewhere… there-

He barreled into the bathroom, barely making it before-

Hands gripped the edge of the sink, stomach heaving…

Gladio brought up what little food he’d managed to reserve since breakfast. It was mostly stomach acid. And _gods_. It stung his poor throat like nothing else.

He began to shake violently, heaves still coming in waves.

The food…

Oh gods… the thought of the food makes his stomach spasm.

Oh fuck..

Gods…

He could barely stand up at all, leaning heavily on the marble basin.

There were tears stinging his eyes, and so much pain in his throat he wanted to scream, but he knew it would make it worse.

He felt like he would pass out.

_Gods._

Each lurch was excruciating.

How had he done this to himself?

He didn’t even register the door open… the tentative call of his name... gentle-like… concerned…

He was so focused on keeping his throat from tearing itself apart.

The soft hand on his shoulder startled him.

Gladio jolted back, nearly collapsing as he scrambled for purchase. He ended up falling a bit, but the arms were there, catching him, pulling him upright.

“Easy there, son. I’ve got you.” It was Regis. The King was holding him against his chest, preventing him from crumpling to the floor.

Gladio couldn’t respond if he wanted to. Instead he made a low groaning sound. Even that made his throat recoil.

He bent down to the sink, again, frantic.

Regis patted his back gently as he began dry-heaving. He hated the sounds he made: whimpering around each cough, a sob sound as the retching dragged at his esophagus.

“I’ve got you... I’ve got you now… easy…easy now, Gladiolus.”

Gladio would later swear that he imagined it all.

How could he ever find himself in such a predicament?

The King... patting his back while he threw up in his private bathroom...?

After his heaving subsided, Gladio thought he very well might just faint then and there.

But there was Regis…

He guided him to the bathroom floor where the Shield promptly collapsed in a heap. He rubbed at his face, scrubbing away the tears.

He couldn’t talk.

His throat was _raw_.

Regis was just rubbing his shoulder, so affectionately.

“I’ve sent a message to your father. You’ll be alright Gladiolus. Easy now. Why didn’t you tell me you were ill, hm?” His voice was so kind, it made Gladio sob again.

“I..I-” Speech was so difficult. “I.. I need _help_.”

“Fear not, son. We’ll get you help. There’s always going to be help when you ask for it.”

And just like that...

Gladio _let go_ -

He let go of his fear of being such a failure.

He let go of his hiding away… his refusal to address that he had a problem.

He needed _help_ , godsdammit.

He let go his fear of _asking for it._

And he let the King of Lucis, Noctis’s father, hold him on the bathroom floor, so close to passing out, throat a fucking wreck… and he cried.

He cried to let it all go.

Sobs wrenching his damaged throat, but he couldn’t stop.

Just kept crying until eventually he felt another set of hands on him.

His father, peeling him off Regis, pulling him into his own arms.

"There, there...c'mon son..."

So warm.

So forgiving.

“What have you done, Gladio… oh boy… what are we gonna do with you…”

He cried harder.

His father stroked his shaved head. And Gladio missed his longer hair, so much it hurt. Missed his father’s fingers soothing it... and before… his mother’s… calming him down… reassuring him…

Making it all go away.

“Shhhh..” His father continued to hold him, cradling his tall form against his own.

And…

For once…

Gladio doesn’t feel so huge.

He feels…

Just the right size.

To be held so perfectly.

_His body isn’t all he is._

He realized.

He was _more_ … there was so much more…

It was just a vessel…

For strength… sadness… all emotion really.

And now it’s his comfort.

His body keeping him from breaking.

A shell keeping him together.

Even when all the world threatened to shatter him.

He let his father’s hands pull him down… into darkness…

And in that darkness…

A spark…

For hope… maybe.

Yeah.

Hope.

-


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the help of his father, Prompto, Noct and Ignis...Gladio heals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's a wrap! I've honestly enjoyed writing this so much. I love making Gladio suffer and then helping him heal lol. Hope you all enjoyed it~

-

After-

Gladio sat on his bed, his father on the phone with the physician in the background. The sound of his father’s voice lulled him into a half-sleep state.

He was so tired. And cold. A shiver racked his form, he couldn’t help it.

A tender hand snapped him back to the present. His dad was gently pulling up the covers to keep him warm.

“Mhm.” Clarus was still on the phone, but he gave Gladio a wink and caressed his head.

The Shield felt surprisingly at ease. After his breakdown… falling apart, tearing his throat with the retching, crying on the bathroom floor… he ought to feel ashamed, embarrassed. But what he felt was… something like _relief_.

Finally, the call ended and his father looked at him wistfully. “The doctor says there’s a medicine that will soothe your throat. I’ll have Jared go pick it up. Are you able to talk at all?” The hand is rubbing calming circles at the nape of Gladio’s neck.

He tried, “Not really.” It was little more than a rasp.

“Don’t push yourself, here-” Clarus began lowering him down, under the sheets. “That’s it. You need some rest, son. Then we can work through this together.” He sounded so sure of it that Gladio felt a smile tug at his lips.

“Dad… thanks.” He managed to form the words around his aching throat.

“Shhh...rest now. Mmm. That’s it,” his voice was a lullaby. “Everything will be alright, my boy. Just rest…. Gods… what have you done to your hair…mhhmm… no don’t laugh-”

Gladio did anyway, a harsh chuckle, despite the pain in his esophagus.

His father smiled down at him, and Gladio believed him… it would be alright.

-

He woke sometime later. Jared had brought the pain-relievers for his throat and Gladio had drifted off to sleep sometime after. Didn’t even realize the time. It was late; maybe dinner time.

There was a buzzing at his side, probably what woke him.

He fumbled for his phone, the room was already getting dark. He blinked into the light, saw the name, and smirked.

Of course.

He clicked the green phone button and before he could even attempt to talk-

“Ok, before you say anything dude, just listen-”

Gladio sat up a bit, eyes rolling.

“You were perfectly within your rights before to flip a shit before. I get it, man. We were overbearing to you and it wasn’t cool. It’s obvious you have your own way of dealing with things, but before you jump down my throat I wanna tell you something.” Prompto was so frantic Gladio had a hard time keeping up.

“We, that is to say, me Noct and Iggy, we all care so much about you dude! And seeing you earlier, actually seeing how you’ve been for a while now, we got really scared, ya know? I hate seeing you in pain. You just looked so hurt, man. So I wanna help. If you’d let me. _Gods_. Sorry if I’m being annoying, I’ve just been rackin’ my brains over here, worried sick. I have to come up with some way to help, don’t I? I mean how can I just stand by? I know I’m probably annoying you with all this bu-”

“Prompto.” Gladio found his voice at last. Even if it was hardly a whisper.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m freakin’ out, sorry.” The tinny voice on the phone was filled with fretfulness. “I have… would you…? Can I come over, man? I wanna see you…”

Pausing, Gladio sat back on the bed, uncertain. He could barely even talk. “Sure, Prom.”

And that was that-

Gladio got up from the bed to change. He was still wearing his official guard uniform. The image of him wearing it in Regis’s chambers, the bathroom floor… the memory made his cheeks flush. But that moment-

Being held by the King as he cried, and then… his father… pulling him back….

Back from that sinking abyss he’d thought he’d drown in.

That suffocating feeling.

He hadn’t realized before… but he couldn’t really feel it anymore…

The strangling.

It was…

Not as strong.

Not that choking weight.

He felt…

He could _breathe_ easier.

And when he pulled his uniform jacket off…

The shirt underneath…

There was a pause.

A second maybe…

Where he clenched his fingers against his skin…

Then-

He pushed it back.

And moved forward.

Grabbing a t-shirt from his dresser, tugging it on, not thinking… not dwelling on what it used to mean to him.

And that’s just it.

He was so used to it being the thing that was eating him from the inside out.

That was the choking… the weight…

Without it… he feels…

Steady.

It was the weight he was carrying…

Not his own body-weight, but the burden of it all…

The weight… it was…

Not what he _was_ but how he _felt_.

His own obsession.

Only now-

Now he could subdue it… push back the thoughts…

Cover them up with new ones.

Even if they were just temporary.

And he found…

Gods…

He found that he didn’t _miss it_.

And that was the real thing… the thing that made him so sure he could beat it.

He didn’t miss the pain now that it was gone.

He just…

Kept moving.

-

Gladio peaked out of his bedroom door. He had sensed his father’s presence, and there he was-

Acting nonchalant in the armchair opposite Gladio’s room. Protecting him, so it seemed. His head perked up, seeing his son.

“Gladio… are you… do you need anything?” He managed to keep his voice light.

“No, dad… I’m good.” Gladio sounded husky, talking still difficult. “Maybe have Jared whip up some tea… Prompto’s stopping by. Would you send him up when he gets here?”

“Sure thing, son. Prompto, huh? You gonna be ok?”

“Yeah. Kid’s just worried ‘bout me… might be good to see him... talk maybe…” Gladio sheepishly dragged his hand over the back of his neck.

“Mmmn. I think it’ll be good for you.” Clarus said. “Talking always helps, remember. I’ve just been looking into a few therapists that Regis recommended. We can talk about it later if you like.”

“Yeah, dad. I’m ready for help this time.” And Gladio meant it. The look his father gave him confirmed it; he could get through this.

He would keep moving forward…

-

Prompto had never been inside of Gladio’s house, let alone his bedroom. Sure, they had dropped him off a few times so the blond knew where he lived…

But he had never imagined being inside the older boy’s room, clutching his album against his jacket, and being so at a loss for words (which was rare for him).

Gladio was sitting at a desk, wearing a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, and he looked so…

Prompto didn’t think he’d ever seen his friend look so young.

He was only a few years older than the blond, but thinking back on it… Prompto always thought he was so mature. It was kinda nice seeing him… relaxed. Regular.

Hoping he wasn’t making Gladio feel uncomfortable by staring, the blond plopped down on a cushion on the floor. The Shield’s room was surprisingly cozy.

“Can I offer you anything?” Gladio sounded raspy, but gentle. Prompto was glad. He didn’t know what he’d be dealing with when he arranged to meet up with the older boy, but he was relieved that the Shield seemed much better than he had in the afternoon.

“Nah, man. I’m good. Just came to see you, really. Talk.” Which he wasn’t doing yet. Finding the right things he wanted to say was proving to be difficult.

The blond didn’t know if he should start or-

“I had a kind of revelation before.” Gladio said, taking Prompto by surprise.

“Yeah? Does that mean you’re ready to be helped?” The younger boy hoped he was.

“Yeah.” And Gladio sounded so at ease. “I really freaked before. With you guys, I mean. And… Regis…”

“Regis?! What’s Noct’s dad got to do with this?” Prompto rocked back and forth on his cushion.

“We kinda had a… moment.” Gladio looked embarrassed. “Let’s just say I made an impression on his afternoon brunch.”

Prompto didn’t press him but, damn, he was curious.

“He helped me, really. And my dad. I think I’m…I’m feeling a bit better about things.”

“That’s good, bro. I mean it. I can tell that you seem a bit better.” And he meant it. Gladio was looking brighter, less weighed down. Even though his skinniness was evident through his t-shirt, Prompto noticed that the older boy was carrying himself differently.

The blond brightened. “I’m here to help you, bro. I really meant what I said on the phone. It’s hard for me to see you in pain and not do something.”

“Thanks, Prom. Seriously. I don’t think you’re annoying for wanting to help. I guess my head just needed to be in the right place. It wasn’t right for me to push you guys away like that.” Gladio got up from his chair and sat down next to Prompto on the floor. The blond lightheartedly kicked his legs a bit.

Gladio smiled.

Up close, there was that tell-tale weariness darkening under the Shield’s eyes. With his shaved head, he looked so different. Not like the big strong guy that Prompto had thought he was. Not that he wasn’t anymore. In fact, he was even stronger now, because of his power to overcome his disorder. To be carrying that burden, and being able to push through it. Prompto felt a pull in his heart. He knew what it was like trying to pretend that things were ok… pushing back the problem… until it couldn’t be ignored.

He sighed. “I…I wanted to show you something. Maybe it’ll… maybe it might help you… understand. That stuff like this… it can creep up on you without you noticing. But it’s not your fault. Just like it wasn’t… mine.”

Gladio stirred as Prompto reached inside his jacket. He’d been dreading this, but… hell. It was for his friend’s benefit, right?

“I never told you this… hell, I think Noct doesn’t even know… but I kinda… used to be… fat.” Prompto revealed his little album, the one he’d kept, despite the awkwardness, as a reminder of sorts.

Gladio didn’t react as Prompto turned the first page of the book. Stuck to the paper was a photo of him. Twelve years old and looking like a little pig.

“I had no idea...” was all Gladio said.

Prompto just continued on. “My parents weren’t around a lot, so I kinda developed some bad eating habits. Real shitty stuff. And it was getting bad, as you can see. Hmm. I thought… if I could make myself fit… then maybe I’d have friends, or something.”

There was a harsh sound as Gladio attempted to clear his throat. He looked at the younger boy sympathetically. Prompto carried on. “So I went on a diet,” he turned the page. A photo of him shirtless, still chubby. “I ate way less than I ever had. Started running too. That’s why I still like it, hah. And it was _working_. Like, dude, you have no idea. I couldn’t believe that all my pudge was going away.” He kept turning the pages to reveal the transformation. The photos of his chest showed the results of his diet. A shrinking waistline, less fat around his middle.

Gladio was watching it all without judgement.

So… when Prompto paused, the older boy didn’t say anything. Prompto stared hard at the photo album, awash with memories.

“I took it too far, though.”

I was the first time he’d voiced it. That little secret he’d always pushed away.

The photos in the book- they began to expose the ugly, hidden truth.

A boy whose body began to wither away. Far past skinny. His teenage form was emaciated. Bones sticking out sharply from under his skin.

Gladio sat back, pulling his feet under him. The look on his face- Prompto couldn’t place it. He looked like he was holding back some kind of emotion.

“That moment when I saw you… when you collapsed by the park. I knew.” Prompto’s voice was surprisingly steady. “I knew cuz it was the same thing that happened to me. I started fainting and shit. I could barely keep myself alert enough to go to school. My head hurt… like, so fuckin’ bad. And I was falling apart.” He flipped through the pages, the wasted boy in the photos glaring at him accusatorily. It wasn’t something he liked seeing, didn’t even think about it that much anymore. Still…

Prompto placed the book on his lap, still staring at it, not at Gladio, not to see his reaction.

“So when I saw you… when you turned up, so skinny, so weak… I felt so fucking terrible.” Gladio shifted beside him. He still wouldn’t look. “Like I failed you somehow. Like I could have prevented it. I just…. I guess I never expected it from you. You’re so strong, so good-looking. I didn’t think… but, no. These kinds of things… they can happen to anyone… I mean. It just happens, man. Creeps up on you, ya know? I mean… I…look at us… look at…I… _fuck_ …” Prompto knew there were tears building behind his eyelids, he had been trying his hardest not to release them, but… fuck… they were pouring down his face before he could help it.

“C’mere.” And it was Gladio. Gladio pulling him into his arms. And Prompto just fell, face-forward into his chest. Didn’t even fight it. Just slumped against his friend, so sorry for not being there sooner… not seeing the signs…

He sobbed.

And Gladio held him.

Gladio… who was hurt… like he was.

But he was recovering.

Gladio wanted his help.

He wanted to get better.

It’s what Prompto was desperate to reclaim.

The Shield would bounce back.

He knew.

He knew it because _he_ did.

And he was Prompto… goofy, loser Prompto.

Who was fat and hated it.

Who was skinny and hated it more.

But now-

Gladio was so strong, so warm.

He would get through it so much better than Prompto had.

Because Prompto was the weaker one, right?

“Shhh kid. It’s alright. Quit talkin’ shit about yourself. You don’t deserve that…”

Prompto was distantly aware that, fuck, maybe he’d been voicing his thoughts out loud. He did that sometimes.

“You’re a thousand times stronger than me kid. Took a lot of guts showin’ me that.” Gladio had his fingers kneading the blond’s back.

Prompto was still sobbing.

“I…I just…I don’t want anyone to go through what I did…I-” he clung to Gladio’s t-shirt, soaking it with his tears.

“I know kid. And it’s so compassionate of you. I mean it. You really helped me through all of this. You’re still helping.” Gladio adjusted his arm, bringing up a hand to wipe his own eyes.

“Really?” Prompto was aware that he sounded like squawking Chocobo.

“Hell. Just you showing me that book. It kinda puts it all into perspective. The change. It happens without you realizing it,” Gladio said. “I hadn’t noticed it with me. I mean, yeah. I’ve always been big for my age and all. I don’t know…somehow… it just started bugging me. And the not eating… I didn’t realize what I was doing ‘til it was too late, ya know? But you realized it. Even before me. When we talked, after I collapsed. You made me realize things. I’m really grateful.”

“I couldn’t just sit by and watch it take you too,” Prompto stopped crying, finally, but still had his head on Gladio’s chest. It was so comfortable. So warm. “For me, I didn’t have anyone to help me. I pretty much had to handle it all by myself. Which was stupid. Really stupid. There’s no shame in asking for help, dude. And don’t you forget for a second that I’m here for you, Gladio.”

“I know, kid. I know. And if you ever need me for anything, I’ve got your back, Prom. Even if it’s to stop you from saying stupid shit about yourself. I mean it. You’re not weak. Don’t go on thinking that, ok?”

“Only if you don’t keep thinking you’re worthless. Or ugly. Cuz you’re not.”

“This some kinda deal, then? We gonna call each other out on our bullshit?”

“You know it, dude! I’ll stop griping about my obnoxious self if you admit that you’ve got an amazing body, beautiful eyes, a perfect-”

“Aahck! Prom Please!” Gladio pretended to swat at him, but he was smiling.

“No I’m serious dude! You’re insanely hot, you ought to know-”

“Aiiishh Prom. And you’re an insanely good friend. And really smart too-”

“Ahh, stop it. You’re too much, Mr. Amicitia. Ohoho! Mr. Am-I-Seriously-This-Handsome-”

“Ooof, Prom.”

“Mr. Am-I-Sexier-Than-This-Shirt-”

“Ack! Mr. Am-I-Sitting on your fucking face after this. Absolutely.”

“Oooh good one… ow!… noo… mercy! _Mercy!_ ” 

Gladio would be ok.

Prompto was sure of it.

_

Noct had gone on pretending like they hadn’t had a huge blow-out. Gladio thought it was cute. The next time he saw the Prince, Noct was trying his hardest to be nice to him.

“I’ve just been thinkin’ how nice it’ll be to have you train me again… imagine that…”

“What’s this? Princess Noctis actually looking forward to physical exercise?”

“Shut u- I mean. Easy, G. I’ve just been missing you’s all.”

“Yeah well I miss the old Noct. You know? The one who wouldn’t hesitate for a second to call me bastard, bitch, beast etc-”

“Yeah well I’m trying to be nice to you! Cuz I was worried about you-”

“I don’t need nice. I need a crybaby brat Prince who moans more than he sleeps to keep me focused on things-”

“Shut up you dick!”

“There he is!”

They bickered back and forth… and it was just the way it was supposed to be.

-

Seeing Ignis after everything was…

Well Gladio didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know if the advisor hated him, after practically ghosting him for weeks.

So when the two met up for coffee, it was…

Ignis just slipped a hand into Gladio’s own, and didn’t say anything.

Didn’t remark on Gladio’s condition.

His weight.

His hair.

There was just the hand holding his.

Warm, and supple.

What Ignis did ask him about were little things-

Had read this new book that the advisor had heard about…?

Did he have any plans for the weekend…?

Not _was he ok_.

And hell, Gladio was grateful.

It was a comfortable feeling, being with Iggy. He found it was easier to forget his troubles. Maybe it was the view-

Ignis, pink in the cheeks from the cold, teeth slightly sticking out as he prattled on about some upcoming convention, and fuck… if it wasn’t the cutest thing Gladio had ever seen.

And they carry on like that.

Ignis was sensitive to Gladio’s condition. He made him meals, both with friends, and privately.

But he never drew attention to it. Not in a way that made Gladio uncomfortable.

Iggy was good at being thoughtful.

They held hands for a while…

Then it was fervent staring in each other’s eyes…

The unspoken thing…

It transformed.

Like the photos in Prompto’s book only this time… the thing it created was-

Hmmnn.

Warmth.

And passion.

Ignis, with a question in his eyes. That unspoken thing… It _blooms_.

Gladio only hesitated a little before…

He let Ignis pull the shirt over his head and he…

He didn’t look.

Instead he felt…

Felt Ignis’s fine hands tracing the panes that he used to…

But this time…

It was a love letter.

Those hands.

Each finger delicately outlining his body.

Painting him not as he saw himself…

But as Ignis saw him.

Because under his touch…

His skin comes to life.

How could his body be anything but this….hmm… a vessel for love…?

-

Sometime after he’d began his recovery, attended those therapy sessions his father set up for him, ate the meals Iggy cooked, talked to Prompto, trained Noct, stopped hating himself-

Gladio walked with his father down a city street in Insomnia.

They had been doing that a lot. Some extra time Clarus had arranged, so that he could spend time with his boy. And Iris too. Only this time it was just the two of them.

They approached a nondescript building, and his father stopped, something like a grin pulling at his face.

“What? You wanna head back already?” Gladio hugged himself. It was chilly.

“No, no. We’re here, actually.”

“And where’s here?”

“You’ll see.”

Following his father, Gladio stepped inside the building.

Well that was… not what he expected.

It was a tattoo parlor. And the proprietor began greeting Clarus like an old friend.

“This yer boy? Damn he’s tall. Looks like his old man, too.” Gladio was blinking down at the face of the tattoo artist while he was being appraised.

Then it all clicked.

His father’s glances, his mentioning of a rite of passage or something the other day.

“We just gonna start with an arm? Or are you thinkin’ the whole back, too?”

Gladio let himself be hauled into the back. At the behest of the artist, he removed his shirt. He didn’t mind. His body was a canvas now.

He turned to his dad. “You really think I’m ready?”

“Oh yes, son. More than ready.” He took a seat opposite him, the artist in the background getting prepared. “It’s clear that you see it now… your body is a vessel for strength, like I’ve old you. Once you realize what it is… this tool that you’ve been gifted with… well it’s only fair to own up to it. And this is an Amicitia tradition, after all.” He winked at his son, and crushed his hand into his own. He looked… so proud. Gladio felt so full of the honor of it all.

He let the artist trace a design on his arm. It was cold. But he watched his every move.

And then the needle-

It stung… biting into his arm like nothing else…

But he kept watching…

His body transformed under its touch.

What was just his arm… one he thought was too big… too ugly…

It became…

Something so beautiful.

The feathers cloaking it…

Revealing its true form…

It’s…

It’s so beautiful.

And it’s him.

His body.

Underneath it all.

The weight he carried now was being lifted by it.

Wings to help him.

The weight…

He looks to his father…

The pride in his eyes.

He thinks of Prompto, Noctis… Iggy…

The weight…

They all carry it with him.

He doesn’t have to carry it alone.

And that’s…

Hmmn.

That’s what makes him know he’ll be ok.

He’ll carry it…

For them…

To see…

That he could love himself again.

-


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